EZ_Tabbran
09-12-03, 04:22 PM
Once a week, my place of employment has "old people day" where the old people get 20% discounts on (most) purchases. I used to think of old people as a generally kind, happy sort. They've lived long lives (hence, being old) and are content to just be alive.
After a year of weekly old people days, I think they all need to die, and soon. Granted, there are some great old people, like my grandparents. But unfortunately, I have seen the darkness. The festering evil. The people who CANNOT DIE SOON ENOUGH (and are probably too evil to die, ever).
You see, old people day brings the targeted market demographic into our store, so many old people that our store starts to SMELL like old people. These old people aren't nice. They're downright rude, they take advantage of our kindness for their wizened and elderly ways, they're dirty rotten schemers, too. I wish I had a nickel for every time an old person said "I won't be in town on thursday, today is wednesday, can I get my discount early?"
Cause I would use them to fill a sock up, and then beat them to death with it. I'm doing the world a favor.
This past old person's day some lady brings me an item (I'm at the register), and says she would like the old person's discount for that day. I give her the paperwork she has to fill out ("Print name here, sign here, don't worry about the rest" is what I say). She insists she's never had to fill out any paperwork before (we always have) and she gets her old person discount all the time without needing paperwork (which is a lie). So I scan her product, it is already on sale, I tell her the discounts don't stack (it woulda been 50% off if they did), and the better one (the sale price) is what the register will automatically give you. Again, she insists that not only does she never fill out paperwork, but she gets her old person discount stacking on already on sale items. I assure her that this isn't the case. It has always been that way. She scowls and finally accepts it.
I take her money, give her the product, and wish her a "great day."
However, what I really wanted to do was this:
First, I would reach across the counter. Then I would place my hands around her neck and apply liberal pressure. At the same time I would begin to shake this woman for all I'm worth, screaming at her, "LISTEN YOU CRAZY OLD BAT, IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY, I WORK HERE, I SHOULD KNOW. I'VE BEEN TO EVERY OLD PERSON'S DISCOUNT DAY FOR A YEAR, I THINK I KNOW!"
Then I would hit her with my sock of nickels. Oh yeah, the stupid old coot ripped up the paperwork I had her fill out, furthermore, she FILLED OUT ALL THE INFORMATION DESPITE ME SAYING NOT TO.
In summary:
I hate old people, I blame my place of employment for this.
and
I need a new job. Safehouse Minority Terror Squad Commander
After a year of weekly old people days, I think they all need to die, and soon. Granted, there are some great old people, like my grandparents. But unfortunately, I have seen the darkness. The festering evil. The people who CANNOT DIE SOON ENOUGH (and are probably too evil to die, ever).
You see, old people day brings the targeted market demographic into our store, so many old people that our store starts to SMELL like old people. These old people aren't nice. They're downright rude, they take advantage of our kindness for their wizened and elderly ways, they're dirty rotten schemers, too. I wish I had a nickel for every time an old person said "I won't be in town on thursday, today is wednesday, can I get my discount early?"
Cause I would use them to fill a sock up, and then beat them to death with it. I'm doing the world a favor.
This past old person's day some lady brings me an item (I'm at the register), and says she would like the old person's discount for that day. I give her the paperwork she has to fill out ("Print name here, sign here, don't worry about the rest" is what I say). She insists she's never had to fill out any paperwork before (we always have) and she gets her old person discount all the time without needing paperwork (which is a lie). So I scan her product, it is already on sale, I tell her the discounts don't stack (it woulda been 50% off if they did), and the better one (the sale price) is what the register will automatically give you. Again, she insists that not only does she never fill out paperwork, but she gets her old person discount stacking on already on sale items. I assure her that this isn't the case. It has always been that way. She scowls and finally accepts it.
I take her money, give her the product, and wish her a "great day."
However, what I really wanted to do was this:
First, I would reach across the counter. Then I would place my hands around her neck and apply liberal pressure. At the same time I would begin to shake this woman for all I'm worth, screaming at her, "LISTEN YOU CRAZY OLD BAT, IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY, I WORK HERE, I SHOULD KNOW. I'VE BEEN TO EVERY OLD PERSON'S DISCOUNT DAY FOR A YEAR, I THINK I KNOW!"
Then I would hit her with my sock of nickels. Oh yeah, the stupid old coot ripped up the paperwork I had her fill out, furthermore, she FILLED OUT ALL THE INFORMATION DESPITE ME SAYING NOT TO.
In summary:
I hate old people, I blame my place of employment for this.
and
I need a new job. Safehouse Minority Terror Squad Commander