View Full Version : "Pine Cones are Complicated."
EZ_Xanthousjoe
03-29-04, 07:22 PM
"2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker."
EZ_Ten Evenings
03-29-04, 07:50 PM
So has anyone figured out if this site is a joke or not? It has to be, right?
EZ_Leiciphis
03-29-04, 07:54 PM
Wait...are you being sarcastic? Do you imply that women aren't designed for the kitchen??? Wow...that's a lot to soak...man! =-)
On a side note, I'm willing to bet that Jonathan Goode will start drinking beer and beating women at an early age. You know, earlier than most of us Baptists.
EZ_Phantom Rogue
03-29-04, 07:54 PM
IS that personal pic a gnoll or a crow?
BWAHAHAHAHA
EZ_Zulian
03-29-04, 07:56 PM
Shut up Kordesh.
EZ_Aurarier
03-29-04, 08:04 PM
...I weep for humanity
EZ_Saltiness
03-29-04, 08:09 PM
Get 'em started early!
EZ_Gaav
03-29-04, 09:17 PM
Check out the HS level one about Noah's Ark and rodents....I actually feel sorry for the little bastards
EZ_Dahne
03-29-04, 09:50 PM
I can no longer see "Jebus saves" without adding a mental, "and takes half damage."
I have been geeked down to my very soul. Edited by: Dahne at: 3/29/04 9:59 pm
EZ_PandaJoe
03-29-04, 09:55 PM
Joke. Run by the Landover Baptist people.
Deltar Battlewall
03-30-04, 12:37 AM
I really hope this site is a hoax. That being said, there is a ton of hilarious stuff to read here:
Quote:"Pokemon Prove Evolutionism Is False" - Paul Sanborn (grade 4)
And the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers proves God is real, and He's here to kick monster fanny.
Quote:1st Place: "Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"
Patricia Lewis ( grade 8 ) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.
She must have not done it right. After three weeks, not only had my rocks become alive, but were reading at a 6th grade level!
Quote:2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking
Jonathan Goode's mother was not available for comment.
Quote:"Dinosaur & Man Walked Together" - Donny Findlay (grade 6)
Bzzt! Sorry son. You forgot Earth was created in 4004 BC. There never were any dinosaurs! How stupid do you feel now?
Quote:"Rocks Can't Evolve, Where Did They Come From Mr. Darwin?" - Anna Reed (grade 6)
My guess would be from the heads of Anna Reed's parents.
Quote:1st Place: "Using Prayer To Microevolve Latent Antibiotic Resistance In Bacteria"
Eileen Hyde and Lynda Morgan (grades 10 & 11) did a project showing how the power of prayer can unlock the latent genes in bacteria, allowing them to microevolve antibiotic resistance. Escherichia coli bacteria cultured in agar filled petri dishes were subjected to the antibiotics tetracycline and chlorotetracycline. The bacteria cultures were divided into two groups, one group (A) received prayer while the other (B) didn't. The prayer was as follows: "Dear Lord, please allow the bacteria in Group A to unlock the antibiotic-resistant genes that You saw fit to give them at the time of Creation. Amen." The process was repeated for five generations, with the prayer being given at the start of each generation. In the end, Group A was significantly more resistant than Group B to both antibiotics.
God: "Ugh, these Creationist school girls are taking up all my free time. If I have to microevolve latent antibiotic resistance in bacteria for some silly experiment one more time, I swear to Me I'm gonna make all the cute animals extinct!"
Quote:2nd Place: "Maximal Packing Of Rodentia Kinds: A Feasibility Study"
Jason Spinter's (grade 12) project was to show the feasibility of Noah's Ark using a Rodentia research model (made of a mixture of hamsters and gerbils) as a representative of diluvian life forms. The Rodentia were placed in a cage with dimensions proportional to a section of the Ark. The number of Rodentia used ( 58 ) was calculated using available Creation Science research and was based on the median animal size and their volumetric distribution in the Ark. The cage was also fitted with wooden dowels inserted at regular intervals through the cage walls, forming platforms which provided support for the Rodentia. Although there was little room left in the cage, all Rodentia were able to move just enough to ward off muscle atrophy. Food pellets and water were delivered to sub-surface Rodentia via plastic drinking straws inserted into the Rodentia-mass, which also served to allow internal air flow. Once a day, the cage was sprayed with water to cleanse any built-up waste. Additionally, the cage was suspended on bungee cords to simulate the rocking motion of a ship. The study lasted 30 days and 30 nights, with all Rodentia surviving at least long enough afterwards to allow for reproduction. These findings strongly suggest that Noah's Ark could hold and support representatives of all antediluvian animal kinds for the duration of the Flood and subsequent repopulation of the Earth.
Behold, heathens! This wooden box full of gerbils proves God's will! Bow before your new master! Muahahaha!!!
Cantatus
03-30-04, 01:39 AM
I doubt it's run by Landover since this site has a page devoted to shutting down Landover. Of course, that doesn't mean it's not a parody site too. I'd like to believe it is at least... It does a better job of looking like a real site, but Landover is pretty blatant about being satire. But then again, we do know that there are some fundamentalists out there that are this crazy...
My favorite part of that site is the "4 Kidz" section. Quote:If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!
You may be moved to try and witness to
these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
Profile
EZ_Aurarier
03-30-04, 01:42 AM
You and I, Cant - same wavelength... was actually looking for the link. I have a hard time telling sometimes what's actually a parody of southern baptist culture and what is southern baptist culture...
EZ_Urdegish
03-30-04, 01:49 AM
Why, when I click the link, do I go to a website called:
www.payforsurveys.com ??
Elder Urdegish Frogmuncha
65 Prophet
Drachenreiter
Karana Server
EZ_Zulian
03-30-04, 02:01 AM
Spyware?
EZ_Meecham AB
03-30-04, 03:01 AM
Yea I get Payforsurveys too. Looks like they've been hijacked.
EZ_pulid
03-30-04, 05:06 AM
Except not, cause I can read the website.
from the 4Kidz art page
Quote:Crucifixion Nail:
Make a nail just like the ones used by the Romans to crucify Our Lord. A thought-provoking project that will impress upon your children the suffering that Jebus went through on their behalf. Makes a great Christmas ornament!
Caution: Pointy edges. Not for children under 5.
EZ_Hindraak
03-30-04, 09:47 AM
The site, especially the 4kidz portion, has made it's forum rounds on more than one occasion. And it's most definetly a parody(it's all in the details), but by the people from Landover Babtist? I dunno.
EZ_Clailya
03-30-04, 01:58 PM
Hate to say this but It wouldnt suprise me if this happened where I live =P smack dab in the middle of the bible belt. I like to call them bible humpers.
Funny site, probably a parody but great =) I love to point and laugh at peopel like that! Clailya Clearmind
65 enchantress
Tunare Server
EZ_Aurarier
03-30-04, 02:02 PM
Yeah, I really want to believe this is a parody. If it's a parody, its a damned good one. They manage to recreate walking that line that I've seen so many uber-religious people walk in my life - you don't know whether to run the other direction or laugh in the person's face. Between real and fake, I wouldn't really doubt either...
Krimzan
03-30-04, 02:04 PM
This HAS to be a parody...
Quote:
Patricia Lewis (grade did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.
EZ_Aurarier
03-30-04, 02:13 PM
That's hardly the dumbest thing I've ever heard of someone do to try to scientifically prove creation.
Jhani Vandolay
03-30-04, 02:41 PM
Let's just say I know an adult who wants to weigh fire in a vacuum to prove it has weight, and leave it at that. Not to claim the status of a "real professional" in any one endeavor has been a small price to pay for the many benefits and pleasures of trespassing. ~Leo Lionni
Ahahahaha, that was hilarious.
Anyone doubting whether it's a joke, please, reread some of the project descriptions again.
Haha, Bible-beaters can be silly, but they're not THAT silly.
EZ_Aurarier
03-30-04, 03:54 PM
It really depends on where you're from. I saw nothing on that site that didn't seem plausible from some of the people I knew back home. I'm not saying all bible-beaters are that way, but I definitely think there are enough of them to be able to gather their strength in that manner. Remember, we're a country who had a religious leader denounce a felt costume for being gay.
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." -unknown
EZ_Sawin
03-30-04, 04:12 PM
Quote:Let's just say I know an adult who wants to weigh fire in a vacuum to prove it has weight, and leave it at that.
My brain just died a little... Elder Toprem Level 65 Storm Warden.... yeah im too lazy to make another Ezboard account
Take a look at my stuff.
HA! HA! I am using the internet!!!1
Dragynphyre
03-31-04, 07:03 AM
Quote:Let's just say I know an adult who wants to weigh fire in a vacuum to prove it has weight, and leave it at that.
Brain seizure! Fire ... energy ... chemical ... reaction ... needs ... oxygen ... fuel ...
And yes, I've met people that would say stuff like what was published on this webpage, so I can't figure out if it's a lampoon or not. (Back In Black)
Delissandra Splitshadow - Marauder of Clan X
Grandmaster Poisoner (250), Master Potter (195), Grandmaster Lush (200)
Why is it that the last piece I've needed from EVERY armor set, from Ravenscale on up to Stanos' Wicked is the PANTS?
I honestly am beginning to think it's a conspiracy founded by Glip!