View Full Version : Divorce
07-17-03, 12:45 PM
First off this is my first rant EVER, but things have finally gotten to me and I gotta let it out cause I can't even concentrate on my work unless I do.
I just got done with my 4th court appointment since I start my divorce. It was about my soon (I hope) to be ex wife saying she hasn't been able to visit with her daughter and because I haven't paid her lawyer the $400 dollars I was ordered to pay him last OCT when I got custody of my daughter. First her lawyer is a @#%$ man hating man. I swear to god he would screw a guy in a divorce even if his client was a doped up drunk whore. Then she lies about even calling to schedule damn visitation saying she calls everyday but no one answears the phone, which is a complete load of @#%$ cause I have caller ID and she only calls MAYBE once every couple of weeks and then only half the @#%$ time askes for visitation time. Everytime I hear her ask I say sure and set up a time but what I really want to say is "You wouldn't have to schedule damn visitation with you daughter if you hadn't start screwing another guy, who on top of that is a convicted child molestor and drug addict." but I don't I refrain cause that would get me in more trouble then what I want.
First about the lawyer fees, you know I'd probaly had them paid if I wasn't trying to support my daughter and myself off of just my paycheck everyweek, but no my ex won't get a damn job to pay her child support so I'm stuck with my paycheck to pay for pre-school, babysitter while I'm at work, help my mom with food, electricity and other odds and ends so I get in trouble for that today in court and I'm told if I don't pay it tommorow then I'll be found in contempt of court and will go to jail which means I lose my well paying job and lose my daughter which means she'd go to a foster home or somewhere else because the judge has done told my ex that as long as she's with the con boyfriend then she won't ever get more then visitation no matter what happens to me.
(Yes I'm so big a damn loser I moved back in with my mom and brothers after my divorce cause I needed support and I'm still there cause all this other @#%$ keeps happening so I can't save hardly any damn money up to move out. Like I've had 7 slashed tires since last OCT when I got custody of my daughter, wow I wonder who did that was it my ex or her retarded con boyfriend who won't same a damn word to my face but can @#%$ his 9mm over the phone to try and scare the @#%$ out of me)
Then her lawyer calls me to the damn stand and every question he asks I answear 100% truthful about everything. So there I am being questions about visitation and I say she's only called about 12 times since April 1st and then she makes noises and the 4 people she brought with her made noises like I was lieing or something. Then they brought her up to the stand and she's like oh I call at least every other day but no one picks up or its busy or blah blah blah blah. I know thats BS because 1) we have 2 phone lines and only have a computer hooked up to 1 of them and 2) If she did call it would be on my stupid Caller ID. So I leaned over to my lawyer and told him this stuff and when he asked she lied again about calling and told the judge that I delete the numbers off the Caller ID so it doesn't show up. The judge nor the lawyers have ever seen my Caller ID so even if I did that what would it matter? So then my lawyer brought up the Child support issue and it got dismissed because it wasn't on the stupid ass citiation that we were in court about. So now I have to file my own damn citation or what ever they are called and then I Have to go back to court about that @#%$ too. I just want this stupid divorce over with but no it keeps getting dragged out over stupid retarded lies that she makes up and tries to feed the judge and her lawyer believes her cause she's a woman. (I know he tries to screw guys over cause its the same lawyer my mom and aunt both used in thier divorces and he doesn't handle Male clients)
So now I got to use 90% of my check tommorow to pay her stupid ass laywer so I don't go to jail and get butt raped by some hairy guy named bubba or some such and lose my daughter and job to stupidity. On top of that I got insulted because I judge a local Magic Tourney every Friday for the local store and we had agreed for her to pick up my daughter there on her weekends. The judge told me that "Its time to grow up and realize your not a child anymore and to stop playing with cards and be a parent and adult." I wanted to tell him people make a living off of this and most of them are adults of the age 18 or older but that would be wrong because he's a Judge and its wrong to tell off people in autority. If she hadn't agreed to pick her up there I would have made other agreements for her to pick her up but no she had agreed to pick her up there and then stopped cause she's a B**** and wanted to get me in trouble cause in court she tried to say that we agreed to meet at the Police Dept which we hadn't. So its been one @#%$ ass day cause off all that stuff plus the fact that it was my fourth time in court and now the judge thinks I'm just some stupid kid trapped in an adults body and shouldn't be a parent. Which I'm still a kid cause I'm usually a goofball normally but I'm also a responsible parent and take great care of my daughter. I take her to the parks, been helping her to learn to write her letters, make sure she has clothes, food, a bed to sleep in and everything else. I don't use the TV as a babysitter. I taught her how to swim without floaties this summer (She's 4). So that really erks me when people think I'm a child because I play Magic on top of everything else. BUT I'm glad I didn't go to jail today cause that would have killed me.
Barbarian Rogue of the 63rd Rank
07-17-03, 12:53 PM
Go to the phone company. Subpoena the incoming call records for your line. Show the judge *exactly* how many times she's called.
Can't go deleting those now can ya?
07-17-03, 07:51 PM
I really feel for ya here. I watched my parents go through the same things we they were divorced.
Best thing they ever did though was realize that the court system will do nothing than cost them both a lot more money then they wanted to spend. Good luck with all this !!!!
07-18-03, 06:26 AM
Cao I will have tell my lawyer to get that done. Do you know if "private" numbers show up on the records as well? Thanks for the idea.
07-18-03, 07:47 AM
Given enough time the Phone company can come up w/ the number of Anyone who calls you.
07-18-03, 08:28 AM
I know the phone company wont do it without a subpoena, but if they get that, they can get the numbers of anyone that calls your line.
I don't know how much of a pain in the ass it will be though, or how many hoops they will make you jump through.
Good luck with it though. There aren't enough men that deserve, and get to, have custody of their children. I hope they never take it away from you.
07-21-03, 08:23 AM
Don't deal with that person over the phone; insist on everything in writing. Jolla Petbane, level 65 Enchanter
Craftie Snowdog, level 57 Rogue
10-08-03, 11:20 AM
Oh you didn't know!! Well me @#%$ either. Here I am 3 months down the road from the last big stink in my life when out of the blue I get smacked again. Just when I thought life was shaping up and I was getting things in order. End of Augest I went to get a paternity test done FINALLY thanks to the judge issueing a court order for it to get done, since the kid has been born 7 months now. Oh I didn't mention that in my last post did I? Yeah she was pregnent when we started the divorce, but she didn't know whos it was, mine or her child raping drug peddleing boyfriend. Oh yeah on that note, he gave up threating me now he has threatened 2 of my friends. Anyway So here I am about 2 weeks ago I get a letter from my lawyer saying that he got the results from her lawyer who, imagine this, found out most of what she was saying was nothing but lies so he dropped her like a rock. So now she doesn't have a laywer, a job, a house, or a @#%$ brain from what I can tell but I don't care anymore. Then my lawyer tells me that since she doesn't have a job I'm going to have to pay the $400 to get the results back. WTH I just paid $150 up front cause she couldn't come up with the $50 for her or the $50 for the split of the intial testing and now I gotta pay that damn bill to. Oh wait it gets worse. I had to switch babysitters twice in the last 3 months to boot. The first time I had to switch because the lady, a supposed friend, who was watching my daughter for me scanned a $100 bill and let her 4 year old son play with and then he gave it to my daughter who took it to her mom's (BTW that was the only time in the last 3 months that she has taken her). Then her mom (My still not @#%$ ex) found it and took it to the cops who then went and asked my intial babysitter about it and then I got a call at midnight that night (The friday after my first post) saying she couldn't watch her for me anymore. So off I go to find another, well my ex's aunt (I've been calling her ex for the last year so I just put that from now on.) Calls me up that weekend to scheduale some time with my daughter when I tell her about the babysitter thing she hooks me up with her babysitters number. I asked how much she charges and my ex's aunt tells me she pays $110 for 2 kids, so I thought sweet. Well I give her a call, guess what she was out of town, so I found random friends who had days off to watch her for me that week. I then get ahold of her the next week. Well she is going to charge me $125 a week, I asked how come not $55 or something around that a week like my ex's aunt. She then tells me that is a Church member only special price. Well @#%$ me for not going to church. So I pay $125 a week for about a month when she tells me she can't watch my daughter anymore cause she is going to start babysitting her 2 neices or something like that and unless your a registered, licensed and due paying child care employee in Indiana you can not have more then 4 kids in your home at 1 time that you are watching. Well guess what makes it worse. Her sister is even going to be paying her to watch them. So I got dumped for really nothing. So now I go to find another one, well the new one wants $150 up front and $75 a week. So that is working great. So now I've got my life in order again right?
Things are going good at this point, things are good, haven't heard from my ex, paternity test out of the way. Then Wam I get the note from lawyer about having to pay $400 for the rest of the test, then I have to contact him by the 10th of OCT. (Which I've doen but he hasn't returned my call that I left yesterday). But wait there's more. I'm setting at my desk just stareing into space when my phone rings. It's a collection agency telling me that I am suppose to be in court next week for a wage garnish hearing. I'm like WTF!! Then come to find out my soon to be ex has racked up over $1000 in health care bills that she hadn't paid. One of the things from my first hearing was that I would keep my insurance on her but she had to take care of all of the rest of the payments. Well now they are wanting me to pay $100 every 2 weeks for the next 8 months or go to court and have them take 25% of my check a week (Based on pre-tax but taken after tax) I'm like 25% WTF That's $150 bucks out of my $320 a week check as is wouldn't leave me enough to cover my bills much less gas and food. So of course I have to agree to the $100 payment every other week. On top of all that my ex still doesn't pay her child support, and my lawyer hasn't done anything about it. As far as I know she could be dead.
Oh 1 more thing, the child she had that I did the parenity test for isn't even living with her, she is letting her grandparents take care of it. How do I know this, well they babysit for my daughter every friday while I was with the $125 a week babysitter (Yeah the $125 only covered 4 days). Everyone is raging on me cause I can't afford to put her in pre-school. Then on top of that my lawyer says I owe him another $1000 (It was down to $150 on my last post) for some letters he sent out. Yeah I've gotten 3 letters in the last 3 months from him, 1 to just see how things were going, 1 to tell me about the paternity test, and 1 to have me sign another payment agreement cause thier payment contracts are only for 1 year. So I guess 3 letters (no court stuff or anything the last 3 months) cost me $850 dollars. So now I have to pay him $200 a month min as well on top of everything else.
GOD D***I hate my life sometimes. Anyone want to switch with me.
BTW I just posted on this thread cause it seemed useless to have to start a new one to rant about the same damn subject.
P.S. The phone issue has been resolved, she just doesn't call, and I get letters from the officer on duty every Wednesday and every other Friday. Which my lawyer says I can't do anythign about the visitation until I go back to court again, which won't be until I get the $400 paid to the lab for the results of the parenity test. Oh one thing about that. If it is mine I get custody, which means she has to pay $80 a week child support, which also means my child care costs go up to $150 a week, which since she isn't paying Child support means I'm going to be living in a cardboard box, driveing a shopping cart to work cause she's a @#%$ b****!!!
BTW I feel better now.
Wait I just thought of something else I had to get off my chest. My ex also named the child that I don't know if it's mine or not after her boyfriend. So now if it is mine I have to reminded of that degenerate of society for the rest of my life cause my son will be named after him. When my daughter talks about her baby brother she calls him *** Juinor. Cause that is the name my ex gave the child. WTH I swear when they say you make stupid a** mistakes when your younger they weren't kidding.
K Now I actually feel better, time for a smoke through!!! Edited by: Vorax S at: 10/8/03 11:38 am
For what it's worth... bless you for being a dad.
With all the adversity going on, you seem to be in check with your kid. That's admirable these days.
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10-08-03, 12:15 PM
Is the child a "compatible" blood type?
10-08-03, 12:28 PM
Actually Nocte, thanks, I try somedays it's just hard to want to do anything at all (Sort of like today), but I do anyway cause I know my daughter needs to feel like everything is okay.
I get to feeling bad about something and pretend nothing is wrong and just let it slide until stuff builds up to much for me to keep it in. Then when I get it out I feel okay and calmed. Sort of like purging my mind and soul of all the bad things in my life.
Ciba, yes it is, but her boyfriend and I are the exact same blood type. I asked my lawyer about that in the begining and we had a blood sample taken from me, him and compared it to the one from the childs birth. That is why they had to do the DNA testing stuff that I have to pay for now.
10-08-03, 01:58 PM
If he is threathening your friends it is time for a group beat down. I know when my sister was getting a divorce we had to send some people to straighten a few of her ex husbands friends and the ex himself before he got the picture that he was a nobody. Don't try and be a bigger man and take the abuse, that is just for sissys.
Glip the Gnome
10-08-03, 02:54 PM
Or you could use common sense, like I can tell you possess a good deal of and completely ignore everything Geidon just said :P
I don't envy your position man, but for what its worth I think your kid is lucky to have you.
10-08-03, 03:28 PM
I mean don't take this the wrong way glip but are you saying you like being pushed around?
10-08-03, 03:31 PM
I htink he's saying that physical threat/violence is not the way to go and I agree wholeheartedly.
10-08-03, 03:51 PM
It is wrong if you start it. However, if someone is saying they are going to hurt you and you belive they are serious sometimes it is best to take a pre-emptive strike and take them down before they end up running into you when your alone with a gun or other weapon. Let the drug dealing idiot know you wont be pushed around and you don't stand alone.
Glip the Gnome
10-08-03, 04:22 PM
Or you can avoid the situation entirely just as easily by not letting it escalate to that level.
Think we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one Geidon 'cause you're not gonna change my mind :P
10-08-03, 04:30 PM
Most of the time when people are saying they are going to hurt you they are just talking @#%$. Just ignore it.
Anyway, sorry to hear there's so much crap in your life V. Hang in there man. Duke Melil Eskay
Dark Elf Dread Lord
10-09-03, 06:45 AM
And if my life couldn't get any worse 9AM this morning I get a damn phone call from my lawyer returning my call from tuesday saying if I don't come up with $2000 by the 3rd of Nov that he WILL drop my case. This is on top of the money I got the call for medical @#%$ yesterday, on top of the $400 I owe to for the DNA testing.
The compromise for the Glip/Geidon debate:
Restraining order Wraine aka "The Spine Tickler!"
"It has.. It has a meter that is tricky. A little wicky wacky wicky..."
Some people are always out for themselves, whoever it screws.
Lawyers have a 'no morals' repuatation for a reason.
Divorces are expensive, and there are tons of hidden costs.
Right there are 3 good reasons to never get married. Your Sister in Arms,
Deceiver () Ayonae Ro
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10-09-03, 07:16 AM
My life can't honestly get any worse after this morning. I don't let anything show to the people around me. Everyone thinks things are going great for me. None of my friends or family have any clue how bad off I am at this moment. I can't talk to anyone. Forums are the only place I can put all my pain. Now through it doesn't go away like it did before after I post and get it off my chest.
I pull in $1300 a month. Between yesterday and today I find out I have $3000 in debt that I HAVE to pay or else bad things happen. (Garnishment or No Divorce.) I try. I try so hard to keep it out of view but I can't I'm setting here at work with tears in my eyes. I can't make the $2000 by NOV 3rd that my lawyer wants me to get. I had to borrow money last Sept to get my Divorce started and now he's asking me to borrow more. I told him I'd set up a payment plan that I would sign date and all that other legal stuff but no that wasn't good enough. I don't let my daughter know any of this. I don't let my mom, dad, brothers, or friends no any of this cause all I hear is how I should've done this or should've done that or they've got stuff going in thier own lives that they don't want to listen. At least when I post I don't have to have anyone listening to be able to say this stuff. Then people wonder why I still play EQ. Maybe because it gives me a place were I can escape all of this stupid RL stuff and get away from it all when I normally would just be setting around and thinking about this stuff cause everyone else is asleep so I have no one to talk to. If I died today I wouldn't care. I know there would be people that miss me, but at least I wouldn't have to put anyone through what I am now. My parents and family and friends would think I died in peace. Only those who read the differnt forums I post on would even know what is going on. Sometimes I think the world would be a better place with out me anyway. Then I see my daughter and I know I can't give up that I have to keep going for her. Through I don't know how I will I know I must. Then lawyers wonder why so many people hate them so much.
When I told him there was no way I could come up with the $2000 by NOV 3rd he gave me some spill about how thier recievables was a quater of a million dollars like after him telling me something like that I would care knowing he lives in a good house, has a new car, has someone that loves him. I wanted to tell him to shut up but I couldn't.
I can't let it go, but I have no one to talk to.
Even through all this is getting to me worse then anything has ever done before. I still have plans set with my daughter tonight that I have to carry out. I told her we'd go to the park and get ice cream. I know I'm going to thinking about other things but I have to hold my plans cause I don't break plans I have with my daughter no matter what is going on in my life. I should have never got married I wish I hadn't but then I probaly wouldn't have my daughter right now either if I hadn't. Seeing her everymorning when I wake up her smiling at me far out weighs any pain I can go through.........
I'm sorry for posting all this here but like I said I don't have anyone to listen and if someone sees you talking to yourself they think your crazy. At least this way I'm kind of talking to myself but not really so no one will think me crazy.
Oh btw Wrain. In Indiana as of last July, unless you are related to the person or having/had sexual relations with them then you can't get a restraining order any more. One of the most screwed up laws that I've heard of.
There is no stalking law? /blink /blink **packs suitcase**
10-09-03, 09:29 AM
I'm not sure where you live, but I think most all large metropolitan areas have debt counceling services that will help you deal with the bills. I'd also look into what other types of assistance there are. 1300 for you and a dependant is very low. Don't give up. There ARE people that care for you. And this situation isn't a dead end. There are ways out of it. Sit down, take a big breath, get a phone book, and start looking for what options are available to you because there are options available.
10-09-03, 10:51 AM
I live in a decent size city. There debt counsuling places around but I don't think they can help me. My lawyer is unwilling to work out a payment schedule with me. I go from having him down to only oweing $150 to my next bill being $1000 then I get a call 3 days after I get my bill with him telling me I need to come up with $2000 by Nov 3rd or else he will drop my divorce case. I don't want to be dropped I want to get the stupid thing over with so I can maybe get some type of normal live for my daughter and myself (and possibly a son which I don't know till I get $400 to the DNA testing site for the results). If he would be willing for me to even pay some of that before that date and the rest after I could do that, but no he wants the whole sum by that date.
I did call my bank at lunch and have set up an appointment for them to talk to me about maybe getting a personal loan for the $2000. That was the best thing I could think of. Actually the only thing I can think of to do. I just hope it works.
Be real wary about debt consolidation services like Ameridebt that offer to consolidater your bills.
Most of them even claim tob e nonprofit companies, but they will absolutely ruin your credit. All they do is take your bills and pay them for you, and your credit report is hit the same way a bankruptcy would hit it. Trojan Horseshoes
10-09-03, 12:14 PM
I'll trade with you Vorax.. I'm paying almost $800 a month in support for one kid, who I did not know about till he was almost a year old and whose mom refuses to get a job so the state says that's OK dad can pay.. You would think Dad would also get custody, but nope I barely ever get to see him, and when I do I get to foot the bill for all the travel even though it was her who moved out of state after he was born.
The guy always gets @#%$. It is a disgusting system and no one should ever have to go through it.
Level 65 Deciever of Bristlebane
Leader of The Immortalis Extrahi
10-09-03, 01:42 PM
Sounds like you have it rough but im proud of you for not letting your daughter see it. Its uncommon that someone would do that these days it seems, they just want to vent and dont care who sees.
Hope the loan goes through for you, lawyers always seem to be pricks about things like that. But in the like sense your lawyer should be doing more about her not paying the child support and the health insurance that she was supposed to pay. You should have to go through any wage garnishment or the 100$ every two weeks.
Dont know what else to tell you but good luck and keep fighting. If your at the bottom then the only way to go is up.
10-13-03, 01:45 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about this, Vorax. Previous posters are right: your daughter is really lucky to have you, and in spite of big odds, you seem to be dealing better than can be expected.
I know you've kept it from your family.. can I ask why? I don't know your family situation, but this seems like a situation that has "family" written all over it to me.
/salute Blusco Kickshaw-Stonefoot
Enraged and Redeemed Hobbit Assassin, Bristlebane
()pener of Locks, Retriever of Corpses
Getting into places I'm not wanted for 65 levels
Slapstik, Gnome Enchanter of Bristlebane
Aracoix Scout of Deception
Kraggar, Dwarf Priest of Deception
TAO - The Ancient Order
10-13-03, 02:35 PM
i agree jazya i did not get maried and now split up after 22 years she found the guys in EQ.She still trryed to take me to court haha did not work.Good luck bud i know what it like to deal with a exwife just hang in there. Chromic
10-14-03, 10:24 AM
Blusco, the reason I don't really discuss anything with my family anymore is cause all they give me is "Should have done ...." or "If you would have done..... differnt then....." or sometimes all I even get are "Yeah thats to bad but I've got ..... to worry about." I mean yeah my mom lets me and my daughter live there for very little ($200 a month) plus paying the electric bill (About $150 a mont) but every time I've tried talking to her about my problems its like she has to start talking about her own problems with her work or something that has nothing to do with what I was talking about. I usually get to talk for about 5 mins before she starts off on her problems and then I just get up and walk off or set there and stare into space. I try talking to my brother (who's 4 years younger then me) but he doesn't care. He's never been a very sympathetic person and it's really starting to show to me now like it has my mom. My dad is off in his own little world with his fiance and his soon to be step children. I talk to him once in awhile but he doesn't seem to care much either. He'll listen but he's alot like my brother when it comes to caring about other peoples situations. My close friends are alot like my family with the should'ves and would'ves. I don't blow alot of money and stuff I don't need, but I do go out to a movie and things like that maybe once a month to get away from everything. Most everyone tells me I shouldn't do that its a waste of money and stuff. I tried not doing anything costly for 3 months at the beging of the year, not being able to get away from everything for a couple hours was really wearing on my nerves and it was really hard for me to keep my calm and cheeful nature all the time when I did that. I don't want to change that through cause then I know my daughter would pick up on something being wrong.
10-21-03, 01:30 PM
The $20/month or so that you spend on a movie to get away is money well spent, in my book. Not extravagant, especially if it keeps you sane and your daughter happy.
While I'm not that close to my mom, I have the security of knowing that if I went to my dad and laid out a situation like yours, he'd get over the "coulda shoulda woulda" fairly quickly and be there for me. Which of course colors my picture of what families are like. It bums me out to read that yours is not similar.
Typing this here feels really lame. I've got nothing to offer but best wishes. No sage advice, no witty anecdotes to lift your spirits. But all the same, my fingers are crossed for you.
Sig nerfed per rules. Signiture once per thread. Please read the SIGNATURE RULES. Thankyou. --Gyorg Edited by: Gyorg at: 10/24/03 11:30 am
10-24-03, 07:05 AM
Well the comments like you all have given actually do help, in away it makes me feel like things could be worse. Although on up note I have found away to get the money, selling everything I own that I don't use, and told my lawyer this and he has changed his tune from the "Unless you have it by Nov 3rd I drop you" attitude to a "It's no problem just get me the money as you get the stuff sold" and my divorce is finally going to be finalized on Nov 3rd (1 week from monday) I'm soooo happy. Plus I'm sending out the $400 for the DNA test results today so I'll have them by monday (takes them 24 hours to get them out in electronic file, then like 3 days mail). Only thing is I don't know how well I will be a father to 2 if it turns out to be mine.
Well Blus, mine use to be like that with my mom and dad, it just isn't anymore. Now the only thing my mom seems to care about is her problems and she expects her problems to be my problems, my brothers problems, her significant other's problems (They aren't married but they've been together to long for me to call him her boyfriend). Then she expects everyone else's problems to just be thier own. I actually tried talking to my dad last Friday, I ran into him as I was leaving work and he was going into work (We work for the same company and the same building, I'm office he's factory) and we talked for a few. I told him what had been going on and he replied "Well it's never as bad as you think, maybe you should get a second job." then he went on in. I had nothing to say, I mean if I got a second job it would have to be second shift or weekend and then I would need a second babysitter which second shift and weekend babysitters around here usually charge double thier normal rate (I guess they assume your working overtime) so it would be $60 for 2 days with my normal babysitter for just Sat and Sun or who knows how much for second shift. Really the only part time jobs around here are Fast Food or Wal-mart (Which none of them pay much more then min wage.) So it wouldn't be much of a gain for alot more work and less free time to spend with my daughter. If I didn't have my daughter I probaly would job at a second job to give me something to do to keep my mind off things. I guess I just wish someone was a little more emotionally supportive but I happy that I've got everything in order now. Edited by: Vorax S at: 10/24/03 11:26 am