Kaielen
09-04-03, 03:55 AM
This rant is about a co-worker. We'll call this co-worker Paul. If he finds out...GOOD! Because you are a STONE AGED @#%$ RETARD!
I'm sitting at my desk, minding my own business and doing my work. He's over talking to a buddy of his in an adjacent cubicle, when my cell phone goes off. Mind you, my cell phone is on VIBRATE ONLY, so all it does is start skittering across the desk making a minimal noise. I happen to get a kick out of the phone when it does this, so I watch and snicker at the phone as it's getting jiggy with it like it's straight macking on my coffee pot.
Well...this utter @#%$ retard looks over and makes this, "my God, how pathetic" look and starts COMPLAINING and telling me how I DON'T NEED A CELL PHONE!
I am a patient person...I listen attentively, and then pleasantly tell him that only an idiot would fail to see the endless number of uses that cell phones have. So THEN he starts asking if I'm into computers and computer games and such, and I decide to humor this neanderthal. I answer that, yes, of course I'm into computers and technology. THEN, this shmuck goes off on a tirade about how I can absolutely NOT be into sports then, because I'm a tech junky and a nerd.
Alright, you stupid @#%$, allow me to enlighten you in something...
I've been training in (and am still training every day in) more martial arts than you can pronounce since I was FIVE YEARS OLD. I could take this cell phone that you are ripping on and shove it so far down your throat that when you farted it WOULD SOUND LIKE THE NOKIA THEME!
All of this is coming from the jack-ass that fishes with MILK JUGS! That's right, ONLY milk jugs. I can see jugging for overnight and fishing during the day...
NOPE! Only jugs! He drinks and stays in his CAMPER the rest of the time! You stupid @#%$! A camper is NOT camping, no matter what your father told you while he was banging your sister. Also, GET A ROD AND REEL! Bait a hook more than once a day you PANSY!
Paul also INSISTS that any man that hangs out with only women is GAY! There is a man here at my job that walks for health and fun with about four women. These women are gorgeous, by the way, but because this guy hangs out with only these women, he's GAY!
Ahem...NO HE'S NOT! You stupid knuckle dragging homophobe! Just because he's better looking, more successful, and flushes more brain cells down the toilet when recovering from a previous day's hearty lunch than you have ever been able to CREATE, does not mean that you have to find something to make you feel better about having an undersized package. The guy that gets all the women? HE WEARS A @#%$ CELL PHONE ON HIS HIP, @#%$!
CHIST, I am so glad that I have some ability to control my temper or I would go postal and just start offing all of the people that should have just passed up life and went straight into the afterlife. I suggest everyone write a letter to God and include a list of some mistakes that he must have obviously made when he handed out souls. My list looks something like this already (leaving out the obvious ones like Osama and Saddam)...
Smelly bitch from work
Brainchildren behind telemarketing
People who started reality television
Anti-technology guy Paul from work
I know this rant doesn't have much of a point...but I feel better now. I'm going to go make a phone call on my cell now. :">
Edit: Made things flow a bit better...my pissed off tirades are more stream of conciousness than actual stories. Edited by: Kaielen at: 9/4/03 3:58 am
I'm sitting at my desk, minding my own business and doing my work. He's over talking to a buddy of his in an adjacent cubicle, when my cell phone goes off. Mind you, my cell phone is on VIBRATE ONLY, so all it does is start skittering across the desk making a minimal noise. I happen to get a kick out of the phone when it does this, so I watch and snicker at the phone as it's getting jiggy with it like it's straight macking on my coffee pot.
Well...this utter @#%$ retard looks over and makes this, "my God, how pathetic" look and starts COMPLAINING and telling me how I DON'T NEED A CELL PHONE!
I am a patient person...I listen attentively, and then pleasantly tell him that only an idiot would fail to see the endless number of uses that cell phones have. So THEN he starts asking if I'm into computers and computer games and such, and I decide to humor this neanderthal. I answer that, yes, of course I'm into computers and technology. THEN, this shmuck goes off on a tirade about how I can absolutely NOT be into sports then, because I'm a tech junky and a nerd.
Alright, you stupid @#%$, allow me to enlighten you in something...
I've been training in (and am still training every day in) more martial arts than you can pronounce since I was FIVE YEARS OLD. I could take this cell phone that you are ripping on and shove it so far down your throat that when you farted it WOULD SOUND LIKE THE NOKIA THEME!
All of this is coming from the jack-ass that fishes with MILK JUGS! That's right, ONLY milk jugs. I can see jugging for overnight and fishing during the day...
NOPE! Only jugs! He drinks and stays in his CAMPER the rest of the time! You stupid @#%$! A camper is NOT camping, no matter what your father told you while he was banging your sister. Also, GET A ROD AND REEL! Bait a hook more than once a day you PANSY!
Paul also INSISTS that any man that hangs out with only women is GAY! There is a man here at my job that walks for health and fun with about four women. These women are gorgeous, by the way, but because this guy hangs out with only these women, he's GAY!
Ahem...NO HE'S NOT! You stupid knuckle dragging homophobe! Just because he's better looking, more successful, and flushes more brain cells down the toilet when recovering from a previous day's hearty lunch than you have ever been able to CREATE, does not mean that you have to find something to make you feel better about having an undersized package. The guy that gets all the women? HE WEARS A @#%$ CELL PHONE ON HIS HIP, @#%$!
CHIST, I am so glad that I have some ability to control my temper or I would go postal and just start offing all of the people that should have just passed up life and went straight into the afterlife. I suggest everyone write a letter to God and include a list of some mistakes that he must have obviously made when he handed out souls. My list looks something like this already (leaving out the obvious ones like Osama and Saddam)...
Smelly bitch from work
Brainchildren behind telemarketing
People who started reality television
Anti-technology guy Paul from work
I know this rant doesn't have much of a point...but I feel better now. I'm going to go make a phone call on my cell now. :">
Edit: Made things flow a bit better...my pissed off tirades are more stream of conciousness than actual stories. Edited by: Kaielen at: 9/4/03 3:58 am