Love and EQ.

[EZ_Xanyia]

I am 32 years old and played EQ with my husband since Velious came out.

To make a long story short on Friday my husband left me.
Next month a 20 year old guildie (who was being real nice to me while my husband of six years was cheating on me with her), will take the place that was mine in his life.

I discounted his flirting with her as non serious after her live-in boyfriend told me that's yes she's kind of a flirt but harmless. (The poor guy also was in for a rude awakening on Friday.)

I made the mistake of making my husband my whole life in these years, I was blinded with love and still am.
I would do anything to bring him back to me, but I also know in the bottom of my heart that he would only cheat on me again.

My guildies, even if it's just a game, have been a great comfort, if I log in I receive a lot of tells asking "How's it going today? Do you need to talk for a while?" it really means a lot to me.

It has been five days, and it hurts like hell, sleep doesn't come easy but at least I know somebody cares about the way I feel, life goes on, even with a broken heart. Or so I am told.

[EZ_Kinare]

/hug

I am so sorry to hear this has happened.

[EZ_Bondori Zafiro]

Out of all the the sad things I've read on the safehouse logged out this month, this one is the one that depresses and shocks me the most.

I'm sorry to hear this happened. People who do this to someone who loves them are shameful, its an outright vicious act. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bon·do·ri
adj.
1. Deviating from what is ordinary, usual, or expected; strange or peculiar.
2. Random and unusual death to sea turtles. * * Edited by: Bondori Zafiro at: 9/24/03 8:35 pm

[EZ_Andurian]

You're lucky a scumbag like that left you while you are still young. Now you can find one someone better, who knows maybe a soul mate.


Edit: p.s. Don't take him back when it doesn't work with her. Edited by: Andurian at: 9/24/03 9:06 pm

[EZ_Gadwin Orlose]

Oh no...sigh, not another one.
The same exact thing happend with my wife, not too long ago
pub146.ezboard.com/fthesa...6107.topic

was the huge topic here for a while, feel free to read, all the advice there im sure can be used for your situation as well, or if ya need someone to vent to, who has been through this situation, feel free to email me at Nimmkersek@hotmail.com

I know it sucks, but im glad to hear your sleeping, thats a good thing. Keep your head up, he is NOT worthy of your thoughts or your love.

[EZ_Lolanae]

Ohh man =/

Take care of yourself. That is top priority. I'm glad you have your guilds support. That is always a good thing to log on and have tells asking how you are. *hugs*

[EZ_Halen]

That ... absolutely ... sucks.

I was going to recommend some swift and evil retribution, but that wouldn't help anyone. Best bet is to take stock and regroup as best you can. Deepest sympathy from me - people suck :-(

First and last time I use this on any online forum:

*hugs*
Halen : 60 assassin : Tholuxe Paells.

[EZ_Fablar]

I was 31 when my partner and I seperated after almost 9 years. That was just over 2 years ago. You will get over it, but yes, it will take time and yes, it will hurt for some time.

As Halen says, it's time to take stock. As you said in your mail, you gave your husband your everything, and as any relationship is build on compromise, it's now time to find out who you are on your own, as opposed to who you are in terms of your relationship.
I'm not explaining this very well - but I'm trying. I many ways i am far more similar to who i was before I meet my partner, than to who I was when I was with her. Once we seperated I had to re-learn who I am - and I am so happy that i did. Looking back it was right that our relationship ended (but try telling me that at the time!) and I'm glad I didn't leap into another relationship (the imfamous re-bound).

Don't bother with any revenge fantasies, or grudge matches ... those are pointless wastes AND only succeed in keeping your mind on the now ended relationship. Now is the time to sweep it all away and sit down and look at your own life. What makes you happy? What do you want to do? (if you don't have answers for these, don't worry - it took me months to find the answers - I wasn't used to thinking about myself)
Once you can answer these, and work on them, you'll discover a love for yourself that you'll never realise you lost.

Friends and family helped me through the hard times. Often just by being around rather than anything else.

And my last point (that will be unpopular here) ... if he does come back ...
If he does come back, you need to have tried to have answered the question as to what you want. If he comes back realiseing he's made a fool of himself, you may wish to forgive him. If you have your eyes open and know it's what you want and can forgive him - fair enough. But don't take him back because you're scared of being on your own - you'll only be scared he will leave again.
But likewise, don't send him packing in an attempt to hurt him because he has hurt you. Send him packing if you realise that you're better off without him, than with him.

Guess i'd better shut up, but this is the main point. It's time to think about just you and do the things that you want to do - do a 'life laundry'.

[Kaielen]

Ahhh, hell, darlin. I'm so sorry. However, you don't need that kind of @#%$. You are far too compassionate, loving, and caring to have a piece of dog @#%$ ,teabagging, worthless, **** like that in your life. Everyone gets their day in the sun.


"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." Dale Carnegie

[EZ_Forceofmotion1]

I'm so sorry Xanyia.

Jonqual Fumblethumbs / Mogron Hammerhand

[EZ_Xanyia]

I am trying to look at the positive side, because this is a hard time for me.

I left my country for him (Italy), and in the six years I spent here with my husband I have grown to love this country, have been a permanent resident for a few years and next summer I will finally be elegible to apply for citizenship. Fortunately, my husband swore to support me with that.

One good thing about all this mess is that he makes very good money, and while I have no place to go to or no job at the moment it shouldn't be a problem to find a studio or a room to rent to move in until I found a job. He said he will come with me to talk to the landlord and put his name on the contract and guarantee for me the rent will be paid. In fact he's going to pay it.

It is a great comfort for me not having to worry if i will be able to eat or have a place to be in the near future. I am sure looking forward to becoming financially independent, tho.

I really can't wait until I move out. Last night he slept on the couch in the living room, even tho I would prefer him to go to his brother's house until I am moved out and this morning when I woke up and went to the bathroom I heard him on the phone with her, and I got really mad at him.

He must have not realized the love in tone of voice he had with her was the one he had with me in the past, when I felt he really loved me. I didn't need to be reminded of that. I am trying hard not to think about the times we spent togheter, both good and bad and that certainly didn't help.

He's one of those people who wants to be loved by everybody, wants to feel like he's helping other people but you can't make everyone happy since they want different things so he just ends up pissing them off. I wish I never fallen in love with him, because as a friend he is great but as a husband he is really unstable and not to be relied on.

So anyway, my mood is swinging really fast, for five minutes I feel like I should be making his life hell, then I feel like I am crazy not to try and patch up things between us, then I just feel sorry for myself, then I feel sorry for him. Yeah I am moody, hehe.

Last night I logged in for a while and got tells from a former guildie who heard what happened. He invited me to BOT and even tho I loathe the place I dinged 71 and thought it's nice that people give a @#%$. Just being there smacking around giants and doing small talk with people I didn't know made me feel like a normal person again.

I try not to think what it will be like when she moves in with him and they'll hang out togheter in guild. I don't wanna leave the guild, I have grown attached to lots of people. I guess I'll just put both of them on ignore, only taking them off for raids. I rather they moved on to another guild, but since he's an officer I don't think that's likely to happen.

I think about what happened, I am in no way a conservative person, quite the opposite, but I think the way modern society portrays relationships and women plays a role in it. The media expect women to be young and have a perfect body, be only concerned about instant sexual gratification and they call it freedom. I think it is it shallow and fake. I can't belive the extremes they go trough to comply with this model, like surgery and diets that make them sick.

I am very good looking, I sure as hell don't wear a size 2 but I not fat either, I am a nice, intelligent, passionate and loving person and I can be real fun too. Despite this a 20 year old girl that talks dirty is more appealing than me in my husband's eye.

I feel for men and women that fall in this trap, TV programs like dismissed disgust me because what they do is they give the weapons for people to hurt themself and ultimately be miserable.

The value of a person has much more to do with who they are, and who you are is something that lasts you a lifetime, and should be what you are loved for. I feel like the victim of a bad joke.

I really didn't expect to get so many answers to my post, it was only something I did in a moment of distress but it sure makes me happy to know there are people out there that don't even know me and replpy with heartfelt words. Thanks guys, the world needs more people who give a @#%$

[EZ_Xanyia]

Oh I forgot to add.. I should have known better than to stay married to a Wood Elf Ranger

[Kaielen]

Quote:Oh I forgot to add.. I should have known better than to stay married to a Wood Elf Ranger

Best. Post. Ever. Period.

You're going to be just fine. Believe me, there are a lot of men in this country and any number of others that would do anything to land a girl like you. It didn't happen through EverQuest, but the same type of thing happened to me as well, and as time goes on, things just get better. Pretty soon you'll look back on it and roll your eyes and think to yourself, "Damn...he is just a @#%$ retard." No worries.

[EZ_JookaWoo]

List the EQ server, name, guild. Let us take some of your frustrations away. Seems EQ has taken over his brain waves along with this new whore he went shack up with, lets make there existance in game miserable.


irresponsible @#%$ like this give EQ a bad name.

[EZ_Evilmagus]

How did he cheat on you without you catching his ass?

~Evil

[EZ_Xanyia]

I caught him but he said he wanted to be with me and couldn't stand to live without me, and he was going to try and work on our relationship to make it work.
I am in love so I believed him. /bonk self

[EZ_Aldarion Shard]

goin through the exact same thing myself (well, minus the EQ tie-in). So I more than sympathize.

small piece of advice, the only thing that has helped me keep what little is left of my own sanity:

anything you have that reminds you of him ... gt rid of it. pictures, gifts, whatever. Peace of mind is so worth it... Good luck. Its hard as @#$%. Veda Kai'Rin

[EZ_Forceofmotion1]

When I read your first post I considered telling you my brother's story, but decided against it because you're looking for emotional support, not more melodrama. After reading your second post, I saw so much of what you wrote as ringing very true, and now I think perhaps telling you what happened with my brother will reassure you that you're seeing the situation very clearly.

My brother was about 33 years old when this happened...he'd been married to his first wife for about 7 years. All my life my brother had been an upstanding guy...really polite, very moral, and he had always said he wanted to find that one, special girl. I felt confident that there wasn't much more to my brother than what I saw...and I saw a kind, responsible, protective man. My mother and I had been living with them since my father had passed away, and from where we stood, my brother seemed to be very happy...he was still very affectionate with his wife, and there appeared to be a lot of stability there.

Unfortunately, my brother fell into the trap you described so very well...and somebody younger and more attractive beckoned to him and he followed. He kicked his wife out of the house so fast everyone's heads were spinning. His line of reasoning at the time was that he didn't feel like he was alive anymore...there was no passion in his life, and he was worried that his life would pass him by without experiencing "true happiness."

He ended up being with this other girl for 5 years, but trust me, she had him jumping through enough hoops and going through enough emotional ups and downs that he probably wished his first wife back nothing less than 200 times. Yeah, there was passion in his life...there's no doubt the new chick turned him on sexually...but the financial and emotional prices he paid far outweighed whatever physical gratification he got, and he's the first one to admit that now.

And now he finds himself alone, something that he finds utterly intolerable...because the relationship with the second girl disintegrated (big surprise there), and now he has a track record of two divorces, the first one being due to infidelity. Woo hoo, just what every woman looks for in a prospective boyfriend/husband. If he had leprosy he wouldn't hold less appeal for the opposite sex these days.

In the meantime, my brother's first wife remarried and had a baby...the one thing she wanted above everything else.

The point of my story is this: to reassure you that yes, going by what you've told me, your husband is more than likely making a serious mistake that he will be karmically raped for down the road at some point (just like 90% of other people who have gone down that particular path). The other thing to keep in mind, once the pain has ebbed a little, is that you shouldn't let his actions dictate your happiness. Make room for the possibility that maybe this change in your life will actually bring about improvements. *hug*

My advice about the guild aspect is to stay where you've got friends, and do the ignore thing like you've planned. The last thing you need is to feel isolated from people who want to support you. If you find that ignore isn't keeping you from feeling distress, or anger, or any of those other emotions which slow up the healing process...then I would consider moving on at that point.

Good luck to you Xan.

[EZ_Talius]

So let me get this straight... he left an Italian girl?

Lock him up and throw away the key, cause this guy has got something wrong with him

[EZ_Xanyia]

Hey, nothing better than dumping a intelligent, beautiful, exotic, funny, sexy, caring woman that is madly in love with you for a ordinary looking girl from the midwest that appears to have a brain cell count of three to give some spice to your life.
I guess.

Seriously, married men approaching the age of 40 should be given medications, or a treatment based on kicks in the ass to help disloge what's left of their brain from their gonads.

[EZ_Andurian]

Glad you still have a good sence of humour
It's good therapy.

Something that helped me recently a simple quote.
"Dance like no one is watching, and love like it will never hurt."

[EZ_Talius]

While I can't offer any serious advice, considering I've never been in a situation like this and probably wouldn't be able to handle it as well as you are right now, I'll throw this one forward.

@#%$ him. You don't need his cheating ass.

Relax for now and I'm sure you'll find the kind of guy that will really know how to love you.

From the sound of it, you're a rare find. Attractive gamer girl = hot commodity

[EZ_CreepyPete]

Quote:From the sound of it, you're a rare find. Attractive gamer girl = hot commodity

Rare as hen's teeth. Good luck, though, although I suspect you'll not need it. =) Creepy Pete 62 RogueThe Imperium Knights

[Dragynphyre]

My Italian isn't very good - but Babelfish might have helped...

Elimini quell'buon uomo di no e trovisi qualcuno che vi dia l'amore e la passione che meritate. Ma, devo dire che sta essendo respectible molto nel meno senso - poichè non sta girandoli fuori sul marciapiede.

(Back In Black)
Delissandra Splitshadow - Veteran Deceiver of the Circle of Unseen Hands
Grandmaster Poisoner (250), Master Potter (191), Grandmaster Lush (200)

Cause I'm back on the track
And I'm beatin' the flack
Nobody's gonna get me on another rap

[EZ_joekreeper1]

I think you just told her to beat a chicken to death with a hammer on her grandmothers roof... =) "Classes are not that out of balance --AbsorEQ"


"I'm going to torment you until you're translucent!!!"

[EZ_Xanyia]

Pretty much that was what I read, but it brought me a smile, and made me giggle! thanks

[EZ_Xanyia]

Oh I forgot to say! Sunday I will be moving into a neat little studio. Even tho I will be lonely I am really loking forward to it.
Now if only I could land a part time job soon I can even think of going to take some classes so I can advance in my life all on my own

[EZ_Dahne]

Glad to hear you're doing okay. Keep us updated.

*hugs*

[EZ_Xanyia]

If somebody find himself in the situation I am don't hesitate to go to counseling, don't wait like me until the damage's done.
You owe it to yourself of not adding pain of your own on top of what you got from your spouse.

Yesterday I went to counseling, and it turned my day around.
Nothing like a person you never seen before in your life that shows you care and concern. If you can't go to counseling just go to a coffee place or a bar or whatever and talk to somebody you don't know about small stuff.

Human people interacting with you in real life without giving you grief is something that everybody should have at least once a day.

Life's gonna be tough for a long while before that the "what if?" and "I should have" and "why me?" and "couldn't we?"go away, meanwhile there's no reason not to have a laugh about random stuff with some random person, since they don't think or yourself as a weirdo (even tho you often do these days).


Edit: I spel englis gud Edited by: Xanyia at: 9/27/03 9:05 am

[DarthEnderX]

a/s/l? "Classes are not that out of balance -AbsorEQ"

[EZ_Ewan aka nach0king]

All EQ chicks are secretly men, anyway.
Jokah Sealclubber
65 Gnome Rogue & Veteran on Bristlebane
United Kingdoms
Zebrastreifen weiß und blau

[EZ_Xanyia]

I have no doubt that most girls in game are guys in real life.

I inherited a male druid from a friend who left EQ and I feel weird when I play him, I really can't help myself and end up hugging my male friends embarassing them to death.

If nothing else my male druid is only a port ho, I would be awful ashamed of playing him full time LOL.

[EZ_Fablar]

I've allways had my suspisions about druids to be honest.


Shame i can't spell - what's happened to the spell checker?

[EZ_Kinare]

I know a "woman" on Rodcet Nife ... Even cybers with men. He thinks it's funny. So if you are RN and cyber a lot, chances are you have cybered with him ... er... her.

EDIT: Confuzzled? me too! Edited by: Kinare at: 9/29/03 5:04 pm

[EZ_Forceofmotion1]

LOL It's the same when I play my male toon, Mogron. My oldest friend in EQ is a guy and he freaks when I spam him with hug emotes while playing Mog. He makes sure to say, "Ewwww, Jonqual...don't be gay!" so nearby players can hear him. I always get a kick out of the homophobia of it all.

[EZ_Xanyia]

Nothing is scarier than how the guys panic when you hit on them in guild for giggles while you are playing a male toon, even tho everyone knows you are a girl and he's a guy and you are not really hitting on them, you are doing that just for giggles.

Guys are very very sensitive about that kind of jokes and not in a good way.

The flipside is that they find lesbians a huge turn on /boggle. I really don't see any difference between straight and same sex couples, male or female. I am not into that stuff at all but it doesn't bother me in any way either.

[Koru]

Best of luck to you Xanyia, I hope it gets better for you, although I guess the only thing for that is time.

And I still say if yer gonna play a tank it's best to make a male regardless of RL gender. Sure it's rare that it happens but there's always that occasional guy you have to yell at with a female tank. I believe it goes something along the lines of "Will the dresswearing sissy men please STOP trying to save this platemail wearing tank!".

[EZ_Xanyia]

LOL my main was Erudite SK for the longest time, she still has twice the play time I do even tho I have 4 more levels. Over time I got her her epic, a full set of SS plus vindi BP, aaxp horse before I grew bored and switched to Rogue.

She was a sight to behold and packed a mean punch.
Still today a Rogue friend tells me he much rather have me at 61 tanking that those know-it-all-ugly-as-hell-stinky-lv65 male troll SKs that can't keep pull a single if their life depended on it or hold aggro for crap, but brag about their DPS (what SK DPS??)

It's all in the spellbook, baby! And in looking good while you do it!

I still play her on occasion, mostly on request when it's late and no other tanks are availble, and still get compliments on her pulling and tanking abilities.

EQ is just a game, it's not rocket science, if people would only put half the effort into researching their class than they put into linking Time items in guildchat or compare dicks on Magelo Norrath would be a happier place.

Thanks for your kind words, it's still a very rough time for me.

[EZ_Aldarion Shard]

Quote:Guys are very very sensitive about that kind of jokes and not in a good way....The flipside is that they find lesbians a huge turn on /boggle

There are a few immutable laws in this universe:

1. objects in motion stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force - etc. for objects at rest.
2. e = mc squared (curse you EzBoard and your lack of superscripts!)
3. guys go one way, girls go both ways.

Veda Kai'Rin

[EZ_Forceofmotion1]

In true scientific method, all it takes is one example to go against your hypothesis and it's disproven. I am a girl and I only go one way, so therefore not all girls go both ways...contrary to what popular culture, porn flicks and mass media try to tell us. (And I know quite a few other females that only go one way.)

I also know quite a few girls that didn't necessarily want to have sex with another female, but they know it turns guys on, so they do it to make themselves appear more sexual or exciting...or out of a fear that their boyfriend will move on to someone else who will give him what he wants. My advice to any girl is that if he's truly the "right guy" and he wants lesbo action, then he should be willing to make it a two sided street. Anything he expects you to do without doing it himself makes him 1. a hypocrite 2. selfish and egocentric beyond belief and 3. not worth keeping around.

One of the best movie scenes around is from American Pie 2. Edited by: Forceofmotion1 at: 9/30/03 9:32 am

[EZ_patofnaud]

Quote:One of the best movie scenes around is from American Pie 2Dude, no.

[Kaielen]

Quote:One of the best movie scenes around is from American Pie 2.

Ack, Eck, Blargh, Ptoo, Bleck, Ptooey!

[Marbh]

Better to find out now and get him out of your life, than settle down with a large family and have it all yanked and shattered. Your young, witty, and your future looks bright. He on the other hand has his feet in muddy water and one hand on the flush lever. She is 20 years old, and most likely going to change her outlook on life a lot over the next couple years. Not a good recipe for success for him. I predict a few months of rough times for you, then increasing good things, while he regrets this decision till the day he dies.

[EZ_joekreeper1]

anyone else can't help but hearing an Italian accent when reading Xan's posts? "Classes are not that out of balance --AbsorEQ"


"I'm going to torment you until you're translucent!!!"

[Aidden]

This is the first and last time you will hear me say this, anywhere.....

Take half his @#%$...

Why the hell do you need to look for a new place to live??

has no one infomred you of the divroce laws here? They were drafted for just such cases. If the relationship is indeed over.. Dont look for an apartment, look for an attorney..

[Mardoc the Dwarf]

Damn Aidden, he seems like he is being nice about it (ironic though that he started it)...but yeah...take his stuff

[Kaielen]

Holy @#%$. I didn't even think of that. Aidden, you are the shiz.

Take that jackass to the cleaners. If you need clarity to this, refer to the Nose-Bone-Woman skit in Eddie Murphy's "Raw"

[Marbh]

Aidden has it right. Lots of times people break up and the guy gets taken to the cleaners for slight reasons. This is a textbook example of a situation where someone needs to get rolled in court. As for him being "nice". Of course he's acting nice, he thinks he has it all worked out. Help X a little, keep his 20yr old toy, and escape with all of his assets. He did wrong, he needs to be punished.

[EZ_Xanyia]

I am not really looking at this in the sense of punishment and reward. He really really screwed up and needs to take responsibility for it. What's done is done and his punishment/reward will be how he lives his life from now on.


I am just damn worried that the girl's gonna make him spend the whole paycheck with whatever she likes and there won't be anything left for my rent, etc.
I don't want money to splurge on shopping or go have fun with, I just want my bills paid and a little help with other necessities.


He's flying out to Atlanta on the 18th to pick her up and help her drive to San Diego. By then I better have all my stuff figured out because the thought of having to see them togheter, for any reason is killing me.

Damn damn damn I am still so much in love with him, I had no time to adjust to it everything is happening too fast.

25 days is all it took him to get rid of his wife of 6 years and replace her with somebody else in his life.
Last night I came to his place to pick some stuff up and we had a awful fight, he told me it was ultimately my responsibility and my doing that made our relationship fail.

I ran away in tears, while I was walking to my place there was a guy standing in the street looking for a address. He asked me for directions and then realized I was crying, so he got worried and stopped to talk a little bit with me and I helped him find the address he was looking for.

He told me "if I can do anything for you let me know", he seemed a decent kid, so I told him I need somebody to go have a coffee with and talk about something else than relationships and pain, doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl. I just need to laugh about something, to be in the company of somebody who treats me like a normal human being for a few.

He told me he lived in Italy for a couple of years and people have been very kind to him there and helped him when he felt down, so he wanted to return the favor, I am having coffee with this guy later this afternoon, I didn't give him my address or phone number but just told him to meet me in a coffee shop in this neighborood.

Maybe I met a new friend , maybe not, in any case I have a little something to look forward in my day, a few minutes to relax and feel normal before the madness resumes.

[EZ_Jasminne]

I say take Aidden's advice and get a good lawyer. You were married for 6 years. I know divorce laws varies from state to state, but in CA, 5 years is all you need to be legally entitled to half of all joint property.

As for the new friend - be careful 'cause you're all vulnerable and stuff.

[Kaielen]

Watch out for the coffee guy, seriously.

On a side note...where would you be now if you hadn't left your life to come be with him.

My guess would be: A successful woman with a stable life, career, and family.

He OWES you what he's taken. It won't even come close to making up for him @#%$ up 6 years of your life, but it will certainly help you catch up to where you would have been.

[EZ_Halen]

Lawyer. Now.

[Jeters]

as they say in the parent trap:
"just lie back and think of californias lovely lovely divorce laws.."

I think possibly the worst thing about this is that you will have to continue seeing him in guild. possibly people in your guild will find out about this and make things very difficult for him.

Seriously, don't be nice about this--get a lawyer. its your right

[EZ_Xanyia]

Heh, I had second thoughts myself about the coffee guy so I left a message in his answering machine saying: I'll call back.

Maybe.

Meanwhile, the hunt for a job continues. I talked to a lawyer, my husband says he isn't in such a hurry to get a divorce done now, WTF. I'll be in a whole lot of a hurry as soon as that bitch gets here.

I need more people that know what the hell they want from life around me I think, I don't care about what it is that he wants as long as he makes up his mind and gives me a definitive version. *laugh*

Anyway, while he struggles with finding his way in life (finding his way into another's girls pants was the easy part), I made arrangements so that we don't need to see each other more than the strict necessary. I go to his apartment, pack my things and then leave the boxes for him to deliver to my place while I am away. I rather get my crying done when I am alone at night than break into tears in his face and say stupid stuff like, "are you sure we don't have a chance anymore?"

Tomorrow I am going see to a counselor again, and also I have internet service activated at my place so I can stop going to his apartment to check boards and stuff. Next week I'll have telephone service in my place too.

Life goes on and I sure don't wanna be left behind!

[EZ_Blaze ODead]

Maybe its just me, but the sooner you don't depend on him to pay bills and such, the sooner you'll feel better.

[EZ_Xanyia]

On Monday morning I have to go try for a new job in a coffee shop.

Money is not good and it's very early in the morning, but who cares, it's a start.

[EZ_Forceofmotion1]

Good luck on the interview Xan. *hug*

Jonq.

[EZ_Chromic2]

I know what you mean after 22ys she left me for 30 yr man she met in EQ ssome time i wonder why i still play but it ben a yr now hold your chin up and hang in there Chromic
The Rogue
Asatru

[EZ_CreepyPete]

Get divorced now and remember: The best revenge is living well. =)

[EZ_Adaster Dezaster]

Quote:Seriously, married men approaching the age of 40 should be given medications, or a treatment based on kicks in the ass to help disloge what's left of their brain from their gonads.

Ouch!

I have debated wheter or not to tell my EQ story here or not. But I figured if something I have to say helps someone then what I went though could in some way be positive.

In March of 1999 I started playing EQ. My brother was on Mith Marr so I started my first charactor on Mith Marr. After a few months of playing my wife of ten years got interested in playing EQ and started herself a woodelf warrior. She enjoyed playing EQ and eventually we decided to get her, her own account.

We had a lot of fun grouping with with friends and we played together all the time.

Then her "friend" showed up a female wood elf druid. I never thought anything of it because I assumed that it was a female on the other end of the keyboard. Things started going down hill shortly ofter her friend showed up. We stopped grouping together. Her and her friend always did stuff together, she even moved her computer into another room.

A few months went by and it seemed I could do nothing right in her eyes. We fought all the time. I keeped thinking what the hell is going on. She was always "Shopping" and never bought anything. I caught her in numorous lies. She wouldnt go anywhere with me it was like she wanted to be home alone.

One day I decided to follow her when she went "shopping". She drove to a little town about 2 miles away. I saw her get out of her car and go to a pay phone and make a phone call that lasted 20 mins. I then saw her walk across the street to a post office and get mail out of a PO Box. I went home.

When she got home she went to our bedroom and I heard her closet door open. She then went back upstairs to her computer. I went into her closet and hidden in one of her draws was a shoe box containing letters from her druid friend. Her druid friend turned out to be a man. I carried the letters up to her office and dropped them on her desk. She turned white as a ghost. I simply said to her "Would you like to explain?" Rather then explain she ran out of the house and down to the end of the road and called him on her cell phone. As I walked to the end of the road I kept hearing her say " What do I do, What do I do."

Later when we talked she kept telling me it wasnt real. That it was all make believe. She said she would end the relationship. And for a few weeks our life returned to normal.

What I found out was she had set up a PO Box so he could send her stuff. She used a pre-paid calling card so I didnt see her calls on her cell phone or our home phone. He was also married with 2 kids. He lived in Texas and we lived in Kansas. At this point they had still not met.

I decided it would be the last time in my life I would get the wool pulled over my eyes. I went to Radio Shack and bought a recorded and a telephone adapter. For a few weeks I heard mostly nothing. Then one night I heard her talking to him. She told him how much she loved him and that she couldnt wait to meet him.

I decided at this point to try and make her understand what she was about to throw away. We lived in a very nice house, we had 3 great kids. We had a very sucsessful business. IN short we had it all.

When I asked her if she had talked to him again she said no, that he had tried calling her and that she didnt answer her phone. She kept lying I kept recording.

I had had a plan to take the boys camping in the works for a long time. I was going to be gone over labor day weekend. One night I heard her telling him that she was going to fly to Houston to meet him while I was camping with our kids.

As Labor Day weekend approached I wanted to confront her so bad it was killing me. But I knew in my heart if she was the kind of person to cheat she wasnt the woman for me. I had to know.

Friday night before labor day weekend I had the van pack and was ready to go. I walked back into the house and asked her if she was sure she didnt want to go camping with the boys and I. She replied "No its a all male weekend you guys have a blast." Before I walked out the door I hugged her and told her I loved her.

I drove the kids to my parents house and dropped them off I went back home and she was gone. I called American Express and Master Card and cancled our credit cards. I called the bank and canceled our ATM cards.

About five hours later the phone range. It was my wife. She was upset. She said she was shopping and that her cards didnt work. I told her I knew about everything. I told her I knew she was in Houston. I told her I knew she was getting a rental car. I told her the cards where cancled. And I gave her an ultimatium "End it now or we are over"

She flew home that night after changing in her ticket.

She ended up meeting with him a few months later.

Needless to say we are divorced.

She threw away,

a 10 year marriage

A $400,000 home

Our family

Me

For what she thought was happiness.

Happiness turned out to be a propane truck driver who was a habitual liar.

It took me a long time to realize she did me a favor. I'm happy now and life is good.

[deuce]

Thats why you never, ever, ever. Trust a female woodelf druid. They're trouble no matter what!

I guess i should be werry if one of my girls characters is a we druid too!

But anyway glad you're happier now Sometimes the worst things happen for the best reasons, if that makes sense.

[EZ_Xanyia]

I am starting to think this is all for the best, even so everyday life is damn hard.

My family is far away in my hometown in Italy. I lost my husband and my American family in one swift blow.

This little studio I moved in is very cute but also incredibly empty. I still have his health insurance and I have 5 more visits to a counselour available, I have his PC so I can still play EQ in the evenings, I probably will land a crappy job on Monday for which I will have to get up at 5 am and serve coffee to the grumpy morning people for minimum wage.

I am trying to see where my life is at, I can't even start to imagine where it's going now. I just wanna be again the person I was before I met him, sunny and independent and enamored with life, but before that happens I will have to spend many many more nights asking myself the same questions over and over until I find an answer I am comfortable with.


EDIT: add to the list of people not to trust DE SK, they might be female, but real women make Erudites :P
Edited by: Xanyia at: 10/4/03 3:13 am

[EZ_Cerridanae]

Xan, there is only one bit of advice I am going to give you. Everything else, it seems you have your head on your shoulders.

Get a lawyer NOW and protect yourself. Don't think of it as screwing him, getting revenge or any of that petty crap. You are protecting yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with protecting yourself, and don't you let ANYONE tell you getting a lawyer is not protecting yourself, especially in your situation of depending on him to help you be granted your citizenship, and him still being financially responsible for you.

You CANNOT afford to NOT do this. Please, I am begging you to protect yourself. He may follow through on his financial promises, he may follow through on his promises to gain your citizenship, but for the love all that you might consider holy, please please please protect yourself through the court system.

I didn't. I believed my ex that he'd take care of everything, and everything would be ok. It wasn't. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I have not seen my daughter in almost 4 years, and it's entirely a product of the fact that I didn't protect myself in the first place by getting my own lawyer and letting my ex-husband "handle" everything, including the custody/visitation arrangements, and not having a lawyer on MY side telling me what I was really agreeing to.

Please. Get a lawyer. Now. There is no possible downside to it.

[EZ_Xanyia]

Well, it has been a month today since he dumped me.

I left a book on my bed last night and this morning as I woke up I felt it with my foot and I thought it was his foot and that he was sleeping by my side... wasn't a happy way to wake up

Good news are I went back to school to get ready for a new job and I should be done in about 3-4 months. I also go see a friend of mine once a week or so to talk, laugh, drink cofffe and spend time togheter. She is the best ever!

Today my husband flew to another state to pick up that girl and drive her to his home and is probably having fun in some motel bed with her by now. Hope his **** falls off.

I still haven't talked to a lawyer but I decided I am most definitely going to.