<expletive deleted> Enterprise

[EZ_mjn6172]

I was kind of incoherent last night, so I decided to wait until today to post this little rant. Hopefully it'll be a little easier to understand now that I've edited it a bit.

I just got done watching tonight's (11/19/03) Enterprise. For those of you who still care about this show and didn't see tonights episode, this post will probably contain MASSIVE SPOILERS. You have been warned. Now, on to the rage.

@#%$ this idiotic @#%$ show. @#%$ Bergman, Braga, and enyone else involved in this astounding bit of stupidity. You've finally managed to do it, your amazing @#%$ stupidity has turned me against Star Trek. I loved TOS, TNG, and DS9. I even kind of liked Voyager despite its many many flaws, but this @#%$ that you're putting out now is just TOO @#%$ MUCH!

For those of you who haven't seen it, count yourselves lucky. The show opens with a slow pan over the crew in a torpedo launch bay. The captain is saying a eulogy (blah blah blah made a difference, blah blah blah will be missed, etc.) It cuts over to the torpedo/coffin thing and you see it's Trip lying there. Instead of bringing up feelings like "Oh no, they're killing off one of the main characters" or "Well, at least he's escaping this festering @#%$ early" my only thoughts were "Oh for @#%$ sake, what idiotic story involving clones/time travel/alien of the @#%$ week are we going to be subjected to now."

It only gets worse from there. It turns out to be about cloning, and had a nice preachy message against stem cell research/cloning people to harvest their organs. Wonderful, how @#%$ elegant, the only way they could have made it even subtler would have been to use a @#%$ SLAEDGEHAMMER TO POUND IT INTO OUR SKULLS!

That's it, I'm done with your @#%$. @#%$ you Bergman, @#%$ you Braga, and @#%$ all your idiotic @#%$ writers who try to turn your @#%$ into gold bricks. It's not working for me anymore. I wash my hands of all of you.

More later probably, I'm getting called into a meeting right now. Jarat Yn'Harla
53rd Level Rogue
Drunken Fishermen
Rodcet Nife

My Magelo, now I'm uber like everyone else

[Jhani Vandolay]

"@#%$ this idiotic @#%$ show."

I agree!

Of course, I felt that way from the start, so I have no idea what you're talking about. I can't help but feel relieved. Not to claim the status of a "real professional" in any one endeavor has been a small price to pay for the many benefits and pleasures of trespassing. ~Leo Lionni

[EZ_Swipey]

If Bergman/Braga -really- wanted Enterprise to have that "original series" feel, they'd solicit stories/scripts from leading sci-fi authors instead of trying to come up with them themselves.

[Glip the Gnome]

Wait, so is Trip really dead?

Its too bad that the show is produced so poorly, because I like the cast and it COULD be very good.

I noticed they upped the tempo of the opening theme too, I liked it how it originally was.

[Dragynphyre]

I haven't watched it since the first episode ... with the Klingon that looked like the movie Klingons rather than "Star Trek" era Klingons that were indistinguisable from humans if they shaved their beards unless they got near a Tribble ... and also introducing a real big time paradox right off the bat.

(Back In Black)
Delissandra Splitshadow - Marauder of the Circle of Unseen Hands
Grandmaster Poisoner (250), Master Potter (191), Grandmaster Lush (200)

[EZ_mjn6172]

To continue a bit before my next meeting (Note again MASSIVE FREAKING SPOILERS):

From that opening, they go back to a week or so earlier. Trip and T'Pol are massaging one another (AKA, gratuitous T&amp;A, or pretty much the only reason to watch the show) and going over designs to make the engine faster. He has some genius plan that backfires and puts him in a coma. He needs a transplant of neural tissue from a donor who's an exact match for his brain. Coincidentally, one of the doctors pets can be used to grow an exact clone of a person that only lives 15 days, and the doctor thinks he can get the tissue they need without hurting the clone or shortening its lifespan. Gee, how @#%$ convenient.

They grow the clone, and then need to wait until it's at approximately the same age as Trip to ensure the best possible match for their brain tissue. The clone starts remembering Trips life as it ages, so as it starts to get older it starts to remember his experiment with the warp engines and is trying to make them work again. Incidentally, the ship is stuck inside some sort of magnetic or radioactive nebula, and everyone's going to die unless they can get the engines working again (or would except WE ALREADY KNOW THEY GOT OUT FROM THE OPENING SEQUENCE!)

Blah blah blah, teenage clone wants to bone T'Pol. Blah blah blah, angst. Doc figures out that the operation is going to kill the clone, and also that there may be a way for the clone to live out a full, normal human life. Blah blah blah, more angst and clone whining. Captain Archer finally convinces the clone that it's better to sacrifice his life to save the real Trip. Clone also figures out a way to save the ship before the operation. Clone dead, Trip lives, cut back to the funeral with Trip now looking over the clone's casket/torpedo as they shoot him out into space.

I'll be back after the staff development meeting for more general comments on this show, I just didn't want to leave anyone who was interested in the @#%$ plot hanging. Jarat Yn'Harla
53rd Level Rogue
Drunken Fishermen
Rodcet Nife

My Magelo, now I'm uber like everyone else

[EZ_mjn6172]

And to finally finish it before school lets out and I have a stream of students in my office:

The main problem I have with this show is that it had so much @#%$ potential. There's absolutely no excuse for it to be sucking this badly. You have the guy from Quantum Leap as the Captain, we all know he's a capable actor. Most of the others weren't well known, but from what I've seen of their previous work it was pretty damn good. The show is set in an interesting time period, humans are first getting out into space and according to Trek history they should be about to start the long Klingon war and probably also begining the Romulan cold war. There's so many interesting story ideas there that it BLOWS MY @#%$ MIND!

So what do we get instead? We get a @#%$ technobabble cold war with aliens 1000 years in the future who are sharing their technology with their ancestors to help them destroy Earth before we accidentally destroy them in the future. And a second group for the exact same reasons. TWO @#%$ GROUPS OF TIME TRAVELING ALIENS THAT WANT TO DESTROY EARTH BEFORE WE DESTROY THEM! WHAT IN THE @#%$ HELL HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN SMOKING!?!

The continuity and logic errors in this show are astounding. They obliterate everything we know about Trek's history just to get their favorite aliens on. Borg, Ferengi, what's next? Is Lieutenant Barkley going to be involved in a time-travel accident while butt @#%$ Q, sending them both back to help Archer only to return to the future by the end of the episode with no memory of what happened?

@#%$ this.

@#%$ you.

I hate this @#%$ show.

Bergman and Braga deserve whatever special torture Satan is devising for them when they arrive in Hell

The only thing that can save this show is if they are no longer involved with it. Probably that won't be enough either, but at this point it can't hurt. I also liked Swipey's idea of having famous Sci-Fi writers do some of the episodes, or at least work as consultants. Can you imagine what James Alan Gardener could do if he was allowed to play in the Trek universe. Hell, why not just get some of the people writing the Trek novels to help out? Michael Jan Friedman would be interesting, as would several others (don't have any books here, so I can't look up who I'm thinking of.)

Anyways, I feel much better now for having let that out. Smallville's a much better show anyways, I don't know why I've even been wasting my time with that @#%$mongering @#%$tastrophe that was Enterprise.


EDIT: Gave the language filter a little help, and added in Swipey's name.

Edit: You missed butt @#%$! :P I can't believe that one wasnt in the filter, hehe -Glip Edited by: Glip the Gnome at: 11/20/03 11:44 am

[Caowyth]

I don't know if I'd call Smallville a better show. Basically the premise is that Clark almost gets with Lana every week and then doesn't.

The only redeeming quality in Smallville is watching Lex and his dad.

Cao

[EZ_Shanar]

Language Filter at Critical Captain!

Anymore and she'll blow!



Shanar's Fantastical Gear!

[EZ_mjn6172]

Ack, can't believe I missed that one. Please forgive me oh mighty Gnome

And yeah, I watch Smallville mainly for the Luther storyline, although the superpowered freak of the week is usually entertaining too. Seriously, if they kill off one more of his classmates I think they'll have made a clean sweep of the entire school Jarat Yn'Harla
53rd Level Rogue
Drunken Fishermen
Rodcet Nife

My Magelo, now I'm uber like everyone else

[Dragynphyre]

Hey, then never did totally wipe out Buffy's school either...

[EZ_Shanar]

Yeah and there must be enough Kryptonite in Smallvill to chock a donkey. I think they sell it at fuggin souvineer stands or something.



Shanar's Fantastical Gear!

[EZ_nekoken]

I don't even think I want to know what it means to 'chock a donkey.' heh

[EZ_LordOfChains]

Chock (hard ch, short o)

Heinous, Indescribable Act Pertaining to Stubborn Farm Animals and Swizzle Stiks.

On-Topic:

I agree with yas 99.9 percent.

that .1% disagreement stems from the fact that Enterprise now has a contingent of marines on board.

HOOAH! 'Cuz I'm Psycho Like That...

[DarthEnderX]

Quote:that .1% disagreement stems from the fact that Enterprise now has a contingent of marines on board.

Which is probably just a ploy to try and sell more copies of Elite Force.

Which is unnessecary since Elite Force 1 and 2 are already WAY better than Enterprise. "Classes are not that out of balance -AbsorEQ"

[EZ_Myrkskog]

How is Elite Forces 2 anyway? The first one was O-K. The story was a bit strange, and I hate how you automatically got transported to the brig if you went on a rampage(you should have been allowed to run up to the bridge with the photon launcher and wtfpwn Janeway). People were way to easy in multiplayer, on a bad day I would be 50kills 2 deaths, seriously. But if the second is good it might be worth looking into.

Oh and BTW.