EZ_Drole Defiantdagger
11-24-03, 05:26 PM
None of this will make sense but I need to get it all out of my system.
I devote myself to a girl that I love and one who claims to love me, to only get tossed aside because she found someone else she literally told me was 'perfect'. Now, I am highly insecure and always have been because I was brought up being told I was worthless by most of my family (non-nuclear), it took me months to trust her, and I did... stupidly... I still love her, but that crushed me, to tell me someone was so perfect after telling me I was the one person they wanted.
Now, the car that I originally only needed to go to see her (she lives 56 miles away; 62 if I take the interstates) is screwing up horribly (probably the 12k miles I put on it in about 2 months alone) but I need it now to get back and forth to work which is far (only 16 miles; 21 if I take the interstates) from the apartment I got to spend more time with her (read: I lived with parents/grandparents = no time alone).
When we were together, we got into an accident in this car (back tires lock up and I hydroplane through a light, hitting a conversion van that was going through the intersection) which screwed up my back. After driving home from her house once, I found out that the hood latch was broken because of the accident. I found this out when my hood flew up into my windshield and broke it. So I pay to fix the windshield, she leaves me, the back two tires go out, the front tires are old and rotten so I go to get them all fixed. I find out then, as they raise my car up and the passenger's side front tire falls to a 45 degree angle, that the strut for that tire is missing. Also I've been having problems with the driver's side window which, when I (ironically) go to close the door lightly so it locks properly, shatters. I got the new one ordered today, and as I was about to leave the complex I work at, I realize my brakes don't work at all and my master cylinder is shot.
Now consider all this has happened within the last month.
Also consider that I was trying to get a used car to replace my crappy one but couldn't, not because the payments were too much but because the accident raised my insurance payments to near galactic levels (700-800 down, 200-400 a month for the used car I was looking at). Also I have to register my original car in my name now because my parents are making me and get insurance on it (300 down, 100-200 a month for that car).
So now all the money I had saved up and I was going to save for a used car, and to maybe start community college (Christmas bonus and extra pay period in December) are going to fix my crappy car and register/insure it so I will just barely break even (hopefully, and at least until something else screws up).
Honestly, I am a nice guy; I do my best to try to help everyone, to be a gentleman, et cetera. I think my manager at work said it best, "No good deed goes unpunished."
So I guess some of us are destined to live life just getting by. I know it could be worse and all, I just hate constantly getting @#%$ on.
I devote myself to a girl that I love and one who claims to love me, to only get tossed aside because she found someone else she literally told me was 'perfect'. Now, I am highly insecure and always have been because I was brought up being told I was worthless by most of my family (non-nuclear), it took me months to trust her, and I did... stupidly... I still love her, but that crushed me, to tell me someone was so perfect after telling me I was the one person they wanted.
Now, the car that I originally only needed to go to see her (she lives 56 miles away; 62 if I take the interstates) is screwing up horribly (probably the 12k miles I put on it in about 2 months alone) but I need it now to get back and forth to work which is far (only 16 miles; 21 if I take the interstates) from the apartment I got to spend more time with her (read: I lived with parents/grandparents = no time alone).
When we were together, we got into an accident in this car (back tires lock up and I hydroplane through a light, hitting a conversion van that was going through the intersection) which screwed up my back. After driving home from her house once, I found out that the hood latch was broken because of the accident. I found this out when my hood flew up into my windshield and broke it. So I pay to fix the windshield, she leaves me, the back two tires go out, the front tires are old and rotten so I go to get them all fixed. I find out then, as they raise my car up and the passenger's side front tire falls to a 45 degree angle, that the strut for that tire is missing. Also I've been having problems with the driver's side window which, when I (ironically) go to close the door lightly so it locks properly, shatters. I got the new one ordered today, and as I was about to leave the complex I work at, I realize my brakes don't work at all and my master cylinder is shot.
Now consider all this has happened within the last month.
Also consider that I was trying to get a used car to replace my crappy one but couldn't, not because the payments were too much but because the accident raised my insurance payments to near galactic levels (700-800 down, 200-400 a month for the used car I was looking at). Also I have to register my original car in my name now because my parents are making me and get insurance on it (300 down, 100-200 a month for that car).
So now all the money I had saved up and I was going to save for a used car, and to maybe start community college (Christmas bonus and extra pay period in December) are going to fix my crappy car and register/insure it so I will just barely break even (hopefully, and at least until something else screws up).
Honestly, I am a nice guy; I do my best to try to help everyone, to be a gentleman, et cetera. I think my manager at work said it best, "No good deed goes unpunished."
So I guess some of us are destined to live life just getting by. I know it could be worse and all, I just hate constantly getting @#%$ on.