Koru
12-15-03, 05:57 AM
I just got back from another horrible Christmas experience. And as I look back on it I .. well I feel manly. Which wouldn't be a problem except uh, I'm not a guy.
So I want to finish buying presents so I can just not worry about Christmas stuff. Not a problem right? I only have 3 presents left. And since my family is avoiding shopping (they have some sort of Xmas phobia until the last two weeks) I have to find someone with a car to go with. Enter my best female friend and her friend. Both married women who like cutesy stuff like blouses with lots of frills. Me, I think shuttle computer cases are the cutest thing you ever saw. I admit, this was probably not the best idea I had but cheaper than a taxi, and taking the bus would.. well be practically impossible since public transportation here is something of a myth.
Enter... Ikea. Ikea is set up like a maze, the entire store is designed so that you have to walk and walk and walk before you can get to the counter. There are no short cuts. I should have known what I was getting myself in to when the first thing they do is squeal "Sofa!!" and go crazy over some comfy couch. But it's not that bad and I manage to buy one half of one of the presents I need. And my feet hurt. Furniture stores with nesters, not a good idea.
So now, now we go to the mall. I hate the mall. Desperately cheerful Christmas music blasted continuously on customers in hopes that they'll feel more generous with their money. I, being a spiteful person who wants peace and quiet, just felt like finding all the speakers and smashing them. But the trip starts well enough, I can make a quick dash into a record store and manage to get a present bought. Up to one and a half out of 3.
Then the Walk begins. Where they walk through the mall and insist on going into every other store to look. Nothing is bought of course. And the entire time they talk. Talk talk talk talk "ohwillyoulookatthatisn'tthatjustsocuteit'ssolikehe randwouldmakeagreatpresentrememberthattimeatthepar tywhenshe..." Read dragonlance novels? Imagine the gnomes if they were female and obsessed over shoes and clothes. This is why I prefer buying presents with men, they usually don't feel the overwhelming need to fill every empty quiet moment with chatter. Chatter that's sooo not needed in a busy mall where every other store is playing different music in addition to the mall's sound system.
Then they hit the bookstore. Now my legs ache, my breathing is not doing so well (loud places with lots of people tend to trigger this claustrophobia/panic attack response with me) and all I want is to get away. I decide to stay out in the hall and maybe find a place to sit. Oh wait, there is no place to sit in this part of the mall, except by buying coffee (which I don't drink) at some overly pricy coffee place. So eff it, I just sit down on the floor next to the coffee place chairs. After a while I get bored/fed up and wander off into a nearby computer store. But of course they find me.
By now I've deteriorated to a point where they agree that ok, maybe we should in fact not do their idea of getting something to eat in the mall. My threat of stabbing the person responsible for the so called music probably tipped them off. As I walk in the mall daze I hear them say something about how they should try to not talk as much since I'm slowly slipping into the catatonia of lack of sleep, caffine and quiet. Really, you go a little crazy a few times and people get all sorts of misconceptions about you. Probably shouldn't have told them about the exploding sheep and gnomes on bunnies earlier today, and I guess the really loud "Who's the bloody stupid git who puts this lame music on anyway?" semi-yelling didn't help. This idea of theirs lasts for the 5 seconds it takes them to see something cute. I manage to squeese in the second half of a present and am now up to 2 out of 3. Thankfully I only have to listen to the chatter while they drive me home. I feign continued semi-catatonic state to avoid having to ask about people I've never even heard off for the sake of polite conversation.
Now that I'm home I have to ask: What the bloody blazes is it with women that they're so impossible to go shopping with? I mean some women I can shop with. My second oldest sister is easy to buy things with. We go in, we do the 2 minute decision on what to buy, we go buy it, repeat for each gift and leave. But every other woman seems to either get confused into a total mess, or is too ditzy to get anything done. It's like if there's more than two stores their brains can't decide which one they want to check out first and go insane and decide to check every single one, with the one with what they were originally going to buy being the last store they visit of course.
Secondly: Why do stores insist on always playing overly loud Christmas music? Believe me, by the end of the first two weeks of that I'm not in a Christmas spirit anymore. I may be considering drinking a lot of Christmas spirits, but that's about it. Blasting music at me when I want to sit down somewhere and get something to eat and drink in peace is not a good idea. If they absolutely must have music on at all time then it would not kill them to have the occasional non-Christmas song. Trust me, bolts of lightning will not come down from the sky and strike you down.
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! I hate the mall. I hate shopping with normal women. And shopping in the mall with two of them is frellin' hell on earth.
So I want to finish buying presents so I can just not worry about Christmas stuff. Not a problem right? I only have 3 presents left. And since my family is avoiding shopping (they have some sort of Xmas phobia until the last two weeks) I have to find someone with a car to go with. Enter my best female friend and her friend. Both married women who like cutesy stuff like blouses with lots of frills. Me, I think shuttle computer cases are the cutest thing you ever saw. I admit, this was probably not the best idea I had but cheaper than a taxi, and taking the bus would.. well be practically impossible since public transportation here is something of a myth.
Enter... Ikea. Ikea is set up like a maze, the entire store is designed so that you have to walk and walk and walk before you can get to the counter. There are no short cuts. I should have known what I was getting myself in to when the first thing they do is squeal "Sofa!!" and go crazy over some comfy couch. But it's not that bad and I manage to buy one half of one of the presents I need. And my feet hurt. Furniture stores with nesters, not a good idea.
So now, now we go to the mall. I hate the mall. Desperately cheerful Christmas music blasted continuously on customers in hopes that they'll feel more generous with their money. I, being a spiteful person who wants peace and quiet, just felt like finding all the speakers and smashing them. But the trip starts well enough, I can make a quick dash into a record store and manage to get a present bought. Up to one and a half out of 3.
Then the Walk begins. Where they walk through the mall and insist on going into every other store to look. Nothing is bought of course. And the entire time they talk. Talk talk talk talk "ohwillyoulookatthatisn'tthatjustsocuteit'ssolikehe randwouldmakeagreatpresentrememberthattimeatthepar tywhenshe..." Read dragonlance novels? Imagine the gnomes if they were female and obsessed over shoes and clothes. This is why I prefer buying presents with men, they usually don't feel the overwhelming need to fill every empty quiet moment with chatter. Chatter that's sooo not needed in a busy mall where every other store is playing different music in addition to the mall's sound system.
Then they hit the bookstore. Now my legs ache, my breathing is not doing so well (loud places with lots of people tend to trigger this claustrophobia/panic attack response with me) and all I want is to get away. I decide to stay out in the hall and maybe find a place to sit. Oh wait, there is no place to sit in this part of the mall, except by buying coffee (which I don't drink) at some overly pricy coffee place. So eff it, I just sit down on the floor next to the coffee place chairs. After a while I get bored/fed up and wander off into a nearby computer store. But of course they find me.
By now I've deteriorated to a point where they agree that ok, maybe we should in fact not do their idea of getting something to eat in the mall. My threat of stabbing the person responsible for the so called music probably tipped them off. As I walk in the mall daze I hear them say something about how they should try to not talk as much since I'm slowly slipping into the catatonia of lack of sleep, caffine and quiet. Really, you go a little crazy a few times and people get all sorts of misconceptions about you. Probably shouldn't have told them about the exploding sheep and gnomes on bunnies earlier today, and I guess the really loud "Who's the bloody stupid git who puts this lame music on anyway?" semi-yelling didn't help. This idea of theirs lasts for the 5 seconds it takes them to see something cute. I manage to squeese in the second half of a present and am now up to 2 out of 3. Thankfully I only have to listen to the chatter while they drive me home. I feign continued semi-catatonic state to avoid having to ask about people I've never even heard off for the sake of polite conversation.
Now that I'm home I have to ask: What the bloody blazes is it with women that they're so impossible to go shopping with? I mean some women I can shop with. My second oldest sister is easy to buy things with. We go in, we do the 2 minute decision on what to buy, we go buy it, repeat for each gift and leave. But every other woman seems to either get confused into a total mess, or is too ditzy to get anything done. It's like if there's more than two stores their brains can't decide which one they want to check out first and go insane and decide to check every single one, with the one with what they were originally going to buy being the last store they visit of course.
Secondly: Why do stores insist on always playing overly loud Christmas music? Believe me, by the end of the first two weeks of that I'm not in a Christmas spirit anymore. I may be considering drinking a lot of Christmas spirits, but that's about it. Blasting music at me when I want to sit down somewhere and get something to eat and drink in peace is not a good idea. If they absolutely must have music on at all time then it would not kill them to have the occasional non-Christmas song. Trust me, bolts of lightning will not come down from the sky and strike you down.
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! I hate the mall. I hate shopping with normal women. And shopping in the mall with two of them is frellin' hell on earth.