Merry @#%$ Christmas

[Kaielen]

The United States Department of Agriculture's, Farm Service Agency, Loan Operations Division Branch I and II's holiday party. I am in Branch II. We are considered the backbone of LOD. We always have a higher number of cases completed, higher stats of satisfaction on customer service polls, and a lower error rate.

Branch II also does not have a certain number of people that, after a party, load up an enourmous @#%$ plate and stuff in their purse to take home. Yeah, that's right, YOU CHEAP OBNOXIOUS TWITS!! We paid for the ENTIRE @#%$ HAM we brought to the party, so you bring a SIX PACK OF VESS COLA and then you EAT ENOUGH FOOD TO FEED THE ROMANIAN ARMY and then you TAKE MORE HOME!!!

This year we were approached by management, and told that Branch I wanted to have Christmas with us, Branch II. My hand IMMEDIATELY went up for a "no" vote.

Well...my naieve coworkers outvoted me, so now they get to reap what they have sewn. Yep, that's right. PREPARE TO BEND OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A CHAMP, BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT IN THE POOPER!

Branch I has the humongoid minister of STANK. She's going to be there in a "leader" function. Translation: She's going to be the annoying @#%$ bossing everyone around.

Now, normally I would just be antisocial and work my entire day. Screw the two hours that D.C. has given us to show up to this thing, I would rather work and get in some credit hours so I can get off early Friday.

NOPE!

It's mandatory. You show up, or you get written up.

@#%$ YOU PEOPLE!!! DO YOU THINK I WAKE UP AND COME HERE TO SOCIALIZE WITH YOU!? I come here because if I didn't, I'd be living in a cardboard box and eating out of dumpsters. You know, however, every single day here causes me to ENVY those people living in the boxes! They don't have to deal with YOU!

The prospect of being caught in the middle of some drug related shootout appeals to me more than dealing with you bastards. You talk about the most annoying and BORING @#%$ and now I find out YOU'VE BROUGHT THE SANTA CLAUSE DOLL that when you squeeze his fat ass he farts out the tune to Jingle Bells or some @#%$.

GOD DAMN YOU!! IT'S CHRISTMAS, THE TIME OF MERCY!

WHY THE HELL AM I BEING TORTURED? You sorry sacks of ass, I HATE YOU PEOPLE! I hope you @#%$ DROWN IN THE YULE TIDE! I hope the Christmas cheer renders you DEAF! I hope the big jolly fat bastard runs over you ALL with his 8 tiny hellspawn flying donkeys! I hope the Christmas turkey is stuffed with Mistletoe and you EAT IT! I hope someone decks you in the hall! I hope your Christmas gift is a box that someone @#%$ in! I hope someone pisses in your eggnog and you get a flaming case of herpes that causes your genitals to recede into your SKULL AND CAUSES YOUR EYES TO MELT!

Happy holidays.

*sigh*

[Dragynphyre]

They MAKE you go to the holiday party? Sheez. (Back In Black)
Delissandra Splitshadow - Marauder of Clan X
Grandmaster Poisoner (250), Master Potter (191), Grandmaster Lush (200)

[Kaielen]

How do you think I reacted when I saw the memo?

[Gnmish Gearbinder]

Won't get any sympathy here...at least you get a recognized 'Christmas Party', annoying pungent co-workers or not. You are being paid to appear right? Because if you're not being paid, you don't have to go.

Anyway, I get to work...work...work some more. Straight through the holiday.

I'll be here Christmas Eve, I'll be here Christmas, the day after, etc.

Same for New Years. My employer is Scrooge.

I do however give your ranting skills a A+. gnmish.gearbinder.ring.warden.sullon.zek
'Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly.'Edited by: Gnmish Gearbinder at: 12/17/03 7:19 am

[Nocte]

Forced into religious festivities?!

That has Civil Liberties written all over it. Call Al Sharpton and get some fun press!

[Koru]

Since it's mandatory how about showing up and telling everyone how much you hate it? Make sure to mingle and open every conversation with "Hey, so do you hate having to spend your time here with everyone from work as much as I do? God this party sucks". They can make you go, but they can't order you to enjoy it or to act as if you want to be there. Also if you show enough anti-Christmas spirit people eventually decide to not include you so they can have fun. I know this from personal experience.

I hope you're bringing something cheap, like say dip. Hard to doggie bag dip. If people insist you bring something else go into long explanations about how this is a required attendance event, which makes it work, and therefor the cost of the food should be paid for by the department rather than you shelling out for it.

[EZ_Urusai]

Just get a package of M&M's fromt he vending machine and put the unopened bag on the table. Write up a little sign that says. "Please take only 1, Enjoy"

[freonsmurf]

1. Show up.
2.Shake everyones hand and make sure they see you.
3.Barf in the punch bowl.
4. Go home in peace
5 Watch the $$$ roll in.

[EZ_Grinkle]

Are you getting paid for it? If not, unless you are exempt, you can't be made to go, I don't think.

If so, I think its shameful that my tax dollars are going to pay you to watch your co-workers steal ham, and I bet a little leak to the local newpaper would get some other folks to feel the same way.

[EZ_Kinare]

Oh yes... the newspaper would be on that like white on rice.

[Kaielen]

Don't bet on it. You can all rest assure that your tax dollars are helping the disadvantaged farmers in America. The entire country is managed from one friggen room.

I managed to show up and stay mostly to myself. I didn't pay and I didn't eat. Damn them if they think I'm going to pay for some nasty ass Swanson turkey dinner and cold mashed potatos.

[EZ_Northerner]

Well now Kaielen, you see, I think we are going to need you to come in on Saaaturday, ah'k? Thaaaanks! Celeris Tujimson
Maurading Deceiver of The Nameless

"Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime."
G. Gordon Liddy"

[Kaielen]

AAACK! How did you know they'd asked me that?

God...Office Space really is my life...

Excuse me, I'm going to go drown myself in the bathtub now.

[Gnmish Gearbinder]

Kaielen, Office Space really is most of our lives...why do you think it's such a great movie? Accurate...disgustingly so.

[Dragynphyre]

They're not going to take MY Swingline stapler! I've had this one for six years, and have a label with my name on it!

If they move me one more time though... I WILL burn down the building.

[Kaielen]

Hahaha. I just looked at my stapler. Swingline. And I keep the sucker locked up at night. *sighs*

[EZ_Shanar]

Well a few observartions.

First if they are calling it a 'Christmas' Party, and not 'Holiday' Party they are morons.

Second you are correct, you cannot be 'Made' to go, however NOT going to a 'mandatory' party, even though they cannot make it mandatory is still what you call a CLM or (Career Limiting Move)

You don't have to kiss anyones ass to get ahead, but biting hands is certainly not the way to do it either.

I sympathize for you though, sounds like your going to have a hell of a night for sure. Just keep a bottle of jaeger in the freezer, and whole party be thinking about how it's waiting on you to get home



Shanar's Fantastical Gear!

[EZ_Ten Evenings]

Wait, are you the folks that handle loans for small farms?

If so, you guys never really struck me as party animals. Sounds like a bum deal.

[Kaielen]

We handle loans for ALL types of farms, large or small, cattle or produce...hell, even dairy.

I have worked on accounts that have one loan for $10K, but I have also applied payoff checks from successful farmers that totalled upwards of $3,000,000.00. Yeah...a PAYOFF...which meant he just waltzed into his county office and wrote them a @#%$ check for 3 million bucks.

When I see that @#%$, I wish I were a farmer. Believe it or not, some of them are doing incredibly well, which actually makes me feel good and helps me survive this place's "mandatory" social gatherings.

Edit: I'm not ripping on the agency, just the people I don't like here. Lol. The U.S.D.A, F.S.A. does their job well, and we've fought off every single attempt at being contracted out (SCREW YOU GEORGE W.!!!). No matter what happens to any account or person here, we are told one thing and one thing ONLY; Do what is best for the borrower.

We take care of our farmers. Edited by: Kaielen at: 12/19/03 10:59 am

[EZ_Ten Evenings]

For the most part, yeah, you do. Ive had my gripes here and there, but nothing major.

But more, everyone seems kinda bland and/or grim. Know what Im taking about?

[Dragynphyre]

American Gothic?

[EZ_Wemic]

Quote:
How do you think I reacted when I saw the memo?


Streaked across the White House lawn?

[EZ_Dazzler Twodirks]

You should have had someoen call you on your cellphone.

At the top of your lungs " OH MY GOD ( add name here ) HAS BEEN HIT BY A CAR!!"

Then run out the door.

Then when they ask a few days later your turtle had protection, is a little dazed but OK. Dazzler Twodirks High Speed Quisinart for Hire
Guildleader of the Blades of Honor.
Monsters Slain, Pockets Picked, Corpses Dragged, and more.
No job too small, no fee too large
Card Carrying Member of The Safehouse.
Classes are not that out of balance -AbsorEQ