I hate Christmas...

[EZ_Xanyia]

This year it gets really bad, I am at my place alone, it's my sixth wedding anniversary, my husband is at his place with his half-his-age-met-in-EQ girlfriend.

My green card is expired, I have to go argue with the INS and give them proof that I married out of love, and not to evade immigration laws.

Which means (have to do it again, I've done this before) Get any documents I can get my hands on with our names on it, get pictures of the two of us togheter, bills, credit card statements, an affidavit from somebody who knew us.

Also I will have to answer any kind of personal question they feel like asking about our relationship, and also regarding the circumstances that led to the separation.

I started putting the stuff togheter and when I get to the pictures of when we were togheter I just can't go on. I start crying or get really upset.

I have been doing well in this three months since he kicked me out, I met a few new friends, I am going to school to prepare for a job, I thought I had a grip on my life, but no.

I am so ashamed about this, I started having dreams at night of him asking me to get togheter again, and I am happy in my dream, and so sad and angry when I wake up.

I just really wish it was spring already.

[EZ_Jeshter Daggerfury]

Wow, that sucks. I hate Christmas too, but not for any particular reason like that
Marauder Jeshter Daggerfury
65th Deceiver
Tindi`Losi
My Equipment

[EZ_Pedric Cuf]

I'm sorry to hear that, Xan. If it's any comfort (Misery loves company, afterall), my Christmas is already over and done with and I wish it had never come. Some advice for you is to go out in the sunlight during the day and do something to keep your mind of things. Try not to linger on any hurts, although I know how impossible that can be. Just remember that life always moves on. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. Perfectly natural and healthy. Sooner than you think it will be spring and life will continue on it's plodding way.

I don't hate Christmas, but I don't have any reason to like it, either.

[Koru]

I'd like to pitch in with the hating of Christmas.

I'm so sick of being blasted with totally unrealistic views of the frigging holiday that are in no way attainable by anyone who isn't working off of a damned script. Goodwill towards men is gone. It died. It got eaten alive by the locust of stressed out parents screaming at their kids in the mall, the little old ladies shoving in the stores, the soccer moms laying it on the horn in the parking lot for no apparent reason and so forth. It's dead dead dead and has been shat out and wrapped in a nice little consumer package by media and corporations for us to eat up whether we like it or not.

Why am I even celebrating this thing? I mean I'm pagan now for Christ's sake! Err, you know what I mean. It's not really my holiday. I should be out making animal sacrifices or something. Killing people with mistletoe rather than that whole kissing thing.

I'd be perfectly happy to just settle for the nice dinner part without all the fluff everyone seems to want. I mean come on, why the @#%$ are people I know seriously stressing over whether someone's going to like their present? It's a present! You don't have to date it. You open it up and if you didn't like it you return it for money and just figure hey, at least they remembered to get me a present. Believe me, I've moved past the caring of presents themselves. See I'm an adult with this thing called VISA which I can use to get the things I really really want. They're not going to change the way I feel about someone. Neither are the little cards you send to people you haven't bothered to keep in touch with the rest of the 11 months and 30 days.

And no, there's nothing anyone can do or say, no magical incantation of sugary sweet Christmas wisdom, that will make my heart grow three sizes. The spirit of Christmas has no power over me. Traditionally unwanted spirits trying to break in get hacked into little ghostly spirit pieces in my culture so please, try something. I've no interest in talking to any angel about getting his wings. If one does appear - I want to speak to the manager please.

I like the food, I like the giving of some presents - I certainly think kids should have presents. But I hate having to play 20 questions to figure out what to get someone and having to put a price on my feelings for them each year. I hate that you can't avoid the music for over a month. Horrible pop jingles sung by people who can sing about as well as I can dance and techno remixes of songs that were utter sheit to begin with. I hate the way people stress over things that don't really matter just because some kid got himself born on a day. And he didn't even get born on the day according to historians! I hate that I can't open a newspaper to read the news because most of the paper is christmas ads anyway. I hate the way that on the rare occasions that I do watch TV everything now takes longer because we have to be told what to buy for extra long. I hate the way children are blaitantly used for the holidays. I seriously do wish that instead of Christmas we'd have, I don't know, "@#%$ chill out" holiday instead.

That being said, I'm going to go to bed, wake up, clean myself up because after pushing my way past the crowds to buy what I usually buy this time of the week I stink like a bum on a bus, then play EQ and watch DVDs until we eat dinner. And I'm also going to do my 'socially inept' thing and completely ignore any pointed remarks about the presents. Anyone who stresses about the presents who's over the age of 20 will get gift certificates next year. Hell, I may just decide to get everyone gift certificates anyway. Then I am going to absolutely refuse to watch any Christmas shows, movies or events of any kind. Unless they involve casting of runes and spears, in which case they're not Christmas but Jolablot and therefor do not count. Then I will give silent thanks to whatever gods there may be that this is over and will go to bed. And barring strokes or sudden combustion my heart will be the same size and color then as it is now. I'm just fine with it that way.

Until we meet again modern Christmas, I remain your most venomous foe.

[EZ_Ten Evenings]

Jeez Xan... You got a bad Christmas on your hands. Im sorry to hear about all this, and I hope you get through it with your skin.

My advice is:

1. New boyfriend, when youre ready.

2. Revenge.

[EZ_Geidon]

I used to agree with the revenge part...then I did it. You will feel bad afterwards and look bad.

[EZ_Pedric Cuf]

/applaud Koru

You should really write a book, you know.





































Merry Christmas!



Edit: Zulian made me reduce the space. Punk. Edited by: Pedric Cuf at: 12/24/03 3:17 am

[EZ_Xanyia]

Koru that's my feelings exactly!

The other day I was on the bus and this guy started preaching the Gospel.

I ignored him as best as I could, that is until he started asking me direct questions about Christ and the Bible, wanting me so bad to agree with him.

Although some things Christ said are certainly valid and good principles that even I as a non believer recognize I told him I didn't want to talk about Christ or the Bible, and asked him if he wouldn't prefer to have a discussion on the Quran, the Baghavad Gita, the Origin of the Species,even the Easter Bunny or the the Grimm Brother's stories instead.

So I said to him that as things were nor I or other passengers wanted to have a conversation with him about @#%$ and would he please leave us alone.

Of course he got pissed and invoked Freedom of Speech, at which I told him that it not covered on a public bus, along with selling or panhandling, and there truly is no difference between he preaching Christ to me when I said I didn't want to listen, or distributing KKK flyers, so he better stop offending people because that is something you can't do on the bus.

I hate it when people use "freedom of speech" as a good for every occasion excuse to be arrogant self-righteous @#%$ and get off with upsetting other people.

I told him I could do as Christ did in the Temple and have him kicked out for imposing "preaching" on grounds on which it should be forbidden.

To make a long story short the bus driver kicked him out of the bus after he called me ignorant and said people like me shouldn't be in this country.

So much for the spirit of Christmas.

[EZ_Pedric Cuf]

You should have had a picture of puppies on hand. Puppies solve everything.

Look at the puppies!

[EZ_Zulian]

It just looks silly now Pedric, where the #$%^ is the suspense? :P
I'm tempted to post my David Cassidy/dog picture, but I feel bad about derailing emotional rants (Unlike Pedric, who's barbaric to the core)!
Anyways, you guys are all a bunch of scrooges! :P Except you Xan, you have real reasons, none of this "Santa left his yule tide logs in my toilet."
Goodwill towards men is dead all year 'round, at least try and pretend during the holidays! I won't even touch on the religious stuff, because I know I'm sorely outnumbered among all you satanists (Kidding...Sort of :P), but if nothing else, Christmas Music is great! Granted, some of it sux0rz worse than Pedric being cheap in Magic, but most of it's nice and stuff!
"Age and wisdom don't always go together, I've found. ... Some people just become stupid with more authority." -- Terry Pratchett

[Dragynphyre]

Only thing I can add is rather cliche, but true... that time heals all wounds. It's going to be tough for a while, but you'll find it gets easier, and you can be secure in the knowledge that you're a better person than he ever will be. (Back In Black)
Delissandra Splitshadow - Marauder of Clan X
Grandmaster Poisoner (250), Master Potter (191), Grandmaster Lush (200)

[EZ_Jassy of Povar]

Hate when it does that....
HTLM comments not allowed..... Edited by: Jassy of Povar at: 12/24/03 7:51 am

[EZ_Boot Disk]

Hey, Koru, in English class we each gotta bring in an "example of good writing" that we found in a book or essay or whatever to discuss. I'm gonna print out your post and bring it in. where anger is big and fueled by hydrogen

[EZ_Dulben apBliadd]

Quote:To make a long story short the bus driver kicked him out of the bus after he called me ignorant and said people like me shouldn't be in this country.

Well so much for those christian values he was trying to preach. I really hate hypocrisy, especially when it comes from "bible thumpers". Gravedigger? When you dig my grave, could you make it shallow so that I can feel the rain?
~ Dave Matthews ~

[EZ_Wemic]

Quote:
I'd be perfectly happy to just settle for the nice dinner part without all the fluff everyone seems to want.


You should have come to my place then, I steamed two orange ruffie (sp?) fish fillets w/ veggies and couscous in parchment paper for Christmas dinner.

[Dragynphyre]

Mmm...Wemic, my mouth is watering now...

[EZ_Diabalein Avidyia]

Couscous is the Somali word for penis...or very very close to it. I work with several Somali's, I eat Couscous.

Somali "what are you eating?"
me "Couscous"
somali "lololololololololololololololololololololololololo lolololololol"



took me a week to get them to tell me what it meant. apperantly its a pretty bad word to them.

[EZ_Gyorg]

I like Christmas. The crowds don't bother me, I like trying to find something to supprise my friends with. If they told me what they like, I like getting them something I know they want. I like sending out cards and telling my friends how I"m doing and I like hearing from them and knowing they still care. Even having only been on the east coast 2 weeks I found a friend who let me come over for christmas and where I got to sit around christmas morning and watch 2 little kids tear apart gifts.

I've had bad christmasses. Too much time home. Too rushed. Too much work. But I think it's as much in your approach to the holiday and your outlook on as it is the actual climate. --------------------------
Gyorg Lavode, The original Phin-o-matic Safehouse Moderator
Unguilded Assassin Badass
of the 65th Moon over Xegony

[EZ_JookaWoo]

All I can say is if you focus on crap, ussually it leads to more crap.

[EZ_Xanyia]

Well, fast forward to new years Eve.

I couldn't sleep last night I had to ask my husband for money for a suit to go to a work interview he said I would be fine in khakis.

Unfortunately I was told corporate dress code. I was so mad at him and so worried and sad about the way he treats me.

But today I get a email from him saying I can go ahead and buy a suit. Maybe his bad conscience, I don't know.

So anyway I go get a haircut because after 7 months of not getting a haircut my hair looks a bit like Frank Zappa's when he was young, and on my way home I see my husband standing in the driveway.

His new big ass polluting SUV is parked there with the 20-year-old in it. OMG why did he bring her there? I asked him why he came, and he said he brought me the divorce summons and something from the INS.

I can't even see him since my eyes are filling up with tears, I grab the big envelope and walk past him mumbling ok bye.

I am so torn it's not even funny, and as I am sobbing fumbling for the keys to the door my neighbor stops me and asks me how I was doing, in all the mess I didn't notice he was in his backyard.

He's a nice guy asks me how I am doing and we talk for a bit and I start feeling better, both him and his young wife have been nice to me.

So I joke with him about the INS envelope saying this is it they gonna kick me out, but being pretty nervous about it.
At the end I open it and there's a spanking new 10 year permanent resident card with my name and picture on it!

In the other envelope there's my divorce summons. I laugh and I cry at the same time and feel very unhappy and strangely elated at the same time.

I talk to my neighbor for a few minutes more then go into my place and feel more lonely that I have ever been, but a bit less afraid.

I am spending new years eve alone, feeling as it is the funeral wake of a year that should have never been, the worst time of my whole life.

2003: the year I learned how little my love, my dreams and commitment means as compared to a 20 year old girl met in EQ.

On Friday I have a job inteview, and life goes on. New year, new life, I so want my new life.

[EZ_Kinare]

I applaud your restraint. Were I you, I would have screamed and clawed her eyes out. Bitch. How dare she show up when she knew you would be there. How dare they both. /rude

EDIT: and honey, you gotta get used to how America works... You can sue that girl for loss of companionship for willingly and knowingly seducing a married man from his spouse. In some states you can, anyway... Edited by: Kinare at: 12/31/03 9:28 pm

[EZ_Xanyia]

Too bad there isn't anyting like that in California.

He's so damn heartless he left a whole collection of pictures of her naked on my pc, and some cyber emails and logs too.

Knowing she shaves her @#%$ and is not really a blonde and her belly button is pierced, is something I really really didn't need to see.

I wish I never never met him, fell in love with him, followed him to this country, married him, forgave him a thousand times, let him neglect me, felt guilty when he hinted I wasn't thin/young/good looking/sexy/made enough money/whatever to make him interested in me, like a fool I was still hoping until the end (and beyond) that things would get better.

I was married for 6 years and all I got left is an astounding amount of anger and bitterness. I am a good woman but I am starting to think I must be stupid to have let this happen, out of love.

What good is it to love like that? It almost killed me.

[EZ_Zagarus]

Well, you have logs, pics and internet. Kopper
Viking Alliance

[EZ_Wemic]

Quote:
At the end I open it and there's a spanking new 10 year permanent resident card with my name and picture on it!


Happy New Year from Uncle Sam!

As for the rest of it, screw 2003 and look forward to 2004. I hope your job interview turns out positive.

(I'm curious, what country did you immigrate from?)

[EZ_Ten Evenings]

Youre smart, hot, young, and funny enough for someone wonderful. If it can happen to an jackass like me, itll happen to what seems to be a nice woman who might have a sexy accent

[EZ_Kinare]

Quote:I am a good woman but I am starting to think I must be stupid to have let this happen, out of love.

You were not stupid. You were in love (the two seem impossibly intertwined at times). People do stupid things for love. Hell, look at Helen of Troy. Fighting over her started a war that is still talked about today (anyone have sources that hint if it was true or not? would be neat if it was).

What you did is far from Helen of Troy magnitude =)

Did you get married in California? You realize Cali is a community property state right? It means you get half his stuff. It means you can get alimony up the wazoo. Hit him in the pocketbook. You have your 10 year residence card already. You should have NOTHING to be afraid of. He cannot hurt you in that respect.

Whatever you do, do NOT try to get revenge any other way. This lady in Texas ran over her husband six or more times after she caught him cheating. But a private investigator was there filming him... so she went to jail for a very long time. The district attourney said something like "In texas if a man cheats on a woman, we sue him. We take his money and his kids and make sure he has nothing left. We don't get revenge." Do that.

Don't sign the divorce papers yet. Use them as leverage. Go find a lawyer who will work for free until this mess is over (you are guarenteed some money, for sure, but talk to them about pricing). Right now, you are on your two feet, so whatever has to be paid to the lawyer will come out of the ex's pocketbook. Your focus shouldn't be about how much you get, but about how much you make him wish he didn't mess with your mind in the first place. California is the home and founder of exhorbitant lawsuits. Use that to your advantage. You spent 6 years of your life and left your country to be with that ass. That should be worth something. Your life was on hiatus for 6 years. That is very career-damaging. You should not have to ASK him for money! That is outrageous.

The girl... She should be beyond your notice. But you need to go out and meet people if you expect to recover from this and not dwell on it. Go to your local community center and pick up an activities book. They usually publish them every season. They have hobby classes like painting, crocheting, knitting, language classes, sports teams, you name it, they probably have a class for it. That is a really cheap way to learn something new and meet people.

Your best revenge is getting over him. But getting revenge is also nice too

EDIT: and for gods sake, reformat that hard drive. Call some computer nerd in the phone book, have them come over and fix it. It usually doesn't cost more than $50 (usually much cheaper) or you can bring it in somewhere. This is assuming you don't know how to do it yourself. Only do this after you talk to a lawyer. Save the messages she sent to him. Leverage = money. Edited by: Kinare at: 1/1/04 7:50 am

[EZ_Gyorg]

You've got naked pictures and cyber logs of a girl you hate, an internet connection, and (presumbaly), kazaa, gnutella, or some other p2p network? I can think of 1 way to make you feel a little better.

[EZ_Xanyia]

Nah, I won't do that, even tho I hate what they did to me.
But look for a lawyer I think would be a good thing to do. I have a job interview tomorrow but it's no guarantee that I'll get the job or have money of my own soon.