I saved a thread where someone reposted his collected threads:
yo, open a new STORE~!
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Yo homes how youz all doing
well the other day betwen me snaek attaking and jumpning off a house, i came up witha BRILIANT NWE PLAN!~
it would be sweet to open a store
well first i could sell stuff i find on the ground i thought like sometimes a fry or a soda can right? also if i saved up fries i could sell a carton of fries. so i tried this but i dint sell anything.
then BRILIANT NEW PLAN.!~
well u see u can order tape and mailing suplies throught like american espress as long as u have a company <and its free lolz> SO i order like 20 boxes to xraycat inc.
now its ilegal and fraud to sel the tape etc so NO WAY HOSEA.
instead i decid to sell toasters. WHAT WHY TOASTERS!~
well u see toasters are good for probaly a lot of things. i have never had a toastor, <becauez i live on the strets lolz> BUT i hear they make toast bagels etc also if u stick a fork in them u get lemonade lolz SO oviously a toaster is the #1 souce of food and if every1 in the world has a toaster ther would be lik no hungry peps.
so i go to work. my toaster i build out of tape is real good-looking. TIMET O SELL
toastors are good so it should sell for liek 50 bucks
wel of course a dude <like a rich dude he has like a coat and shooz> comez up and hes like wow whats tis young man nice scsuplture <sculptor? scultzor? something like that> and im like wel #1 im xraycat this is my stor #2 that is a very powerful and good toastor
then this dude is like "haha man go eat some dog @#%$" <****e? shot? somehitng like that> so i ATAK stela his shoes
now i sell shoez
i have eyes. that is cool.
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buying 1 apple at a store: 1 dollar
buying 5 apples at a store: 5 dollars
buying a nuclear misile: like 50 bilion dollars
having eyes: priceless lolz
ok think about how lucky you are if u have eyes. if you didnt have eyes you couldnt buy any of the things mentioned above. u couldnt do things like walk to school or jump off your house. what could u do? sniff a rose? NO U WOULD POKE YOUR NOSE WITH THE THORNS.
could you eat some pie? probably not. how would you find the pie or buy it? you couldnt make it. u could pick berries and pretend they are pie but you couldnt see the berries or tells if they were actually dogs and not berries.
so we have come to 2 conclusions: u couldnt eat or smell if u dont have eyes. how would u drink? maybe u could drink some water, but like a lot of liquids look like water but are poisonous like toxic waste.
heres a example of a human wiithout eyes:
"o im hungry oops i cant eat"
"o i want to smell a rose ow poked my nose on the thorns painful"
"hey lets drink that water doh it is toxic waste"
so u 1. cant eat 2. cant smell 3. cant drink if u dont have eys.
finally u cant talk if u dont have eyes because you couldnt learn how to read <beacuse u cant see>
thats why instad of people buying fancy cars they should buy new eyes.
p.s.- my nephew is blind and somehow he does all the things above. how? i dont know. he is super genius. he also says this esay makes 1% of a whales brain mass sence.
if u r a elderly, u should..
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ok wel in schol today my teacher was like bla bla chirsitpoher columbus bla bla annd so i was thinking up a nother grand schem on how to make money.
OK YO
elderly have it ez. i wish i was an elderly. first they prety much dont go to jail. how much 105 yr olds go to jail? the andwer to that is the pythagoram theorom which my teachre taught me today. OK. SO. eldelry that are reading this, take advantage.
steal. litter. shoot yor naibors cat with yor BB gun. U CAN DO IT ALL WHY BECAUSE U R A ELDERLY. if u get arested <doi this wont happn> but if u do just claim u r senile and then pee in your pants.
this works for "stupid" people such as me. i jump off the roof of the school and land on a kid and both of our legs brake, and through our tears the princapal is like XRAY CAT U R SUSPENDED but then i pee in my pants and hes like oh, u r senile.
also if u r elderly your bones wil brake easier so try not to jump oyt your house
a very important guide~jumping off your house
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here is a very important guide compiled by me xraycat
it is how to jump off your house
ok first here is the main rule
if your house is over 3 stories tall i would recommend u make a parachute other wise you may die
step 2 first get big flooppy G shoes because your feet will hit the ground hard. another option is to jump out head first and cover your head in styrofoam
step 3 boom u will fall try to scream something when u r falling like yo mom or hi to the lady walking by
step 4 boom u hit the ground PAIN FUL OWW. this step is paifnul if u followed step 2 chances are you will only feel the extreme uncomfort of your legs on fire. if u dint follow step 2 your maybe broke a leg , a hip, or your cranum.
step 5 smacko if u landed only 1/2 painfully u r the champion. if u broke a leg u better scream to the lady that was walking by to call yor mom to come pick u up.
ok if u wanna jump out like 10 story windows
step 1 get some tin foil and rope
step 2 poke some holes in the tin foil and put rope in it
step 3 tye the rope to your neck <but not too tight ps if ur cranum is purpole its too tight>
step 5 jump out the window the parachute will slow the fall enough to bring u to step 4 above
YO hope this helps u it helps me
best book ever
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i would say curious george books are the best ever.
second best are probably green eggs and ham
this sums up green eggs and ham in a few short lines
hi sam want some ham
no
hi sam want some eggs
no
hi same want green eggs and green ham
not really but i hate you
hey i like green eggs and ham thx
r u bored on HALOWEEN?!
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r u bored on halloween? u shouldnt be. here r some fun games that i , x ray cat,, invented <at school of course> toady
#1. give people junk game
in this game u give people junk. if u r poor <i.e. me> and u cant go and buy like 5 dolars of candy or if u even just want to feel better than that stupid kid dresed up as a stormtrooper, play this game. first find junk. if u live on the street <like me> u will find bottles, soda cans, and maybe a piece of a hamburger. these make good treats
if u r rich u can give them things like bags of peas, a pack of popsicle stix, or maybe your report card. apreciate there look that says "yahoo!" and answer by throwing a piece of meat at the wall.
#2. trick game
when peple come to my door <of my box house> they say "trick or treat". this game is perefect if u dont like game #1 or if u have no treats at all. when they say that catchy phrase "trick or treat, gimme something good to eat", like stuck up rich people, andwer "sory nothing good to eat but here is a trick!" then perform a trick. some of my favorite trix are juggling 2 apples, flipping a coin and predicting the side it will land on, or making farts with my armppits.
children watching your antics will be very hapy to hear armpit farts.
#3. take advantage game
this is the game i will do this year. what u do is first find or buy like 1 bilion costumes. u can be clever and get costumes of like a vampire, exploding cat, etc, or u can just be crafty like me and tie a shirt around yor head, tape cans to yor ears, etc <this method also saves $'s>
then go find a rich person. get candy froom them. eat/sell the candy for mad cash. if u can, tell them u have to go to the bathroom from eating so much candy! since u r a innocent child <or an inocent xraycat>, they will hapily let u inside. once inside, stuf valuables under your shirt <or fur> for mad $. then, since they r rich and u r not, go to the bathroom on their floor. this is a fun surprise and they will be happy later on!
#4. man i hate trick or treators game
if u r the scrooge that hates halloween and hates kids, this game is the best evar. firrst get a paintball gun. if u dont have a paintball gun get a slingshot, a shirtful of rocks, or steal a weapon <not deadly, that is unfun>. next put out a bowl of candy <that u stole or found on the ground> wiht a sign that says "please take 1". make sure to urinate on the candy or put a fun chemical on it that will make them sick and happy!
now of course since kids are rotten excuses for life they will take many candys. probbaly 6, 7, or the whole bowl. if they do take more than 1, they should be punished. also, if they have a stupid or unoriginal costume they should be punished, such as a witch, werewolf, or an M&M. if they have a cool costume <such as a robot on fire with chain saws> and they only take one candy, you should shoot them 3 times instead of 1 time, because they deserve 3x the fun! this is where yor weapon comes in. attack!
u should hide on a roof or behind a tree. hit them a few times and they will yelp with pain <and happiness>. then they will run, or keel over. this is when u laugh for doing your good deed. while laughing, think of how sick the child will get later when eating your disgusting candy. horay!
#5. surprise!
halloween means "be so scared you puke and scream" in some other language! this is obviosly your role to play, you must frighten a child! here are a few methods to achieve this happy goal
- cover yorself in gasoline. light yourself on fire when a child comes by, and give them a big happy hug! horay!
- when a happy looking child comes by, punch them in the face or stomach! this makes them happy! wooho!
- trip a child, preferably onto some hot coals or into a hard cement. yahoo!
Halloween is #1! horay!
MAN, what was that?!?
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ok foos
yesterday i am walking down the road and i lok to my left and what do i see? WHO KNOWS!
first i think "oh there is a cute puppy" but WHOA it is definitely over 4 ft tall.
next i think "DAYUM THAT IS ONE BIG PUPPY" but then i notice it HAS ARMS
dogs have legs not arms
so then i realize that it is probably a cat like me but WAIT this creature has a big mouth!
it is probaly a hipopotamous, so i walk over to feed it a fish i found <that is what hipotamouses eat> but it turns and runs away, and it has NOT 2 LEGS, NOT 3 LEGS, NOT 4 LEGS, Not 5 LEGS, NOT 6 LEGS, NOT 7 LEGS, NOT 8 LEGS, NOT 9 , 10, 11, 12, 13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29 ,30 LEGS, BUT 1 LEGS.
WOW
only 1 animals have 1 legs
Hammer head sharks.
this hammerhed shark totally rams me with his hammer pow smash splat. then i stagored back to my computor to teach u all a valuabel lesson.
dont mess with hammorheadsharks. they are strong fast powerful and cool. if u want to mess with a shark mess with a tigor shark cause all they are good at is bouncing t i double grr er.
remmebr people sharks r hazardos to yor brain
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yo yo yo~
what up my safehawse g dawgs
i ben quiet lately cause i TOTALLY BORKE MY WIRIST <seriously>. i was all snowboarding in my backyad <seriously> and i totally fell KABOOM broken wrist! anywyas typing takes like 5 extra minutes now so i done other things.
the other things i have done was think up cool stuff <uslay in schiool> i thinked up so far, 4 good pickup lines for pretty other cats, 4 ways to snwboard without brakeing my wrist, and i also considored how important 1 arm is <kind of my post about how important eyes are>
this is evidnt when i take a shower. first, i must wrap my arm in a shopping bag <i like stop and shop because i likee looking at the red and green circles> then i duck tape the bag to my arm. then once this is done i go in the shower.
but wait!! i forgot to tkae of my clothes. so i go out of the shower and take off my cloths with 1 arm. thats right folks 1 arm. it takes about 15 mins cause im soaking wet.
when im nakey i go in the shower again and grab soap and wash.
but RED ALETRT.
i canot wash my arm that is holdig the soap. <i tryed for about 20 min til the water got cold> also since i have a bag onn my other arm i cant hold soap. my arms are long enoyug so i can get my fingertips in my armpit which is good but thats it
conclusion: one of my arms is brown and caked with dirty and snots that i wiped on it and dog crap and im mostly clean everywhere else.
plz hug a man with 1 arm or a cat.
plz also give me sugestiosn cause my friend count can be represented in this graff.
before broke wrist: x + 1 friends where x = 0
after wrsit: x - 1 friend where x = 1
witty sugestions only im not el stupod
yo, need a pick me up?
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you are needing a pick me up?
you are feeling depressed lonly and sad?
well toady and health class we learn 1 important thing..DRUGS = DEATH.
so for all u drug takors u need to know drugs are bad for u. the drugs i am talking about include cigarates and some drug caled cokain. my teachor said pot is bad also but i mean pot? i mean come on? i cook sutf with them all the tiem.
but neways lets get on track. im prty helpful i think. so im gonna tell u , mi casa eg tu casa <we learn that in foreign language yesterady it means something about friends> that if u take drugs 1 time ur dead. deader than nail gun shooting at babys face. deader than inexperienced house jumper. DEADER THAN A CAT SNIFFING AEROSAL.
which brings me to topic number 2. green cheese.
why is there no green cheese? i wonder this often during math class. there is yellow and white cheese, and even orange cheese? green is cool, cheese is cool, why is there not green cheese? and this brins me to topic number 3.
<*> cool <***> cooler <******>COOLEST <********************************> ME
Feamale attracTION
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FEAMALES can be devided into 2 basic groupings----and this hear xraycat devides them into "Chocolate Chip Donuts", "Garbage Sock Chemicals", and also one more grouping that is know as "Catchup with Onions".
BASICALY when most guy approach most feamale they say some basic daate method. I took notebook and pen and sneak up on man and woman and write down their actions. Here a few basec examples are:
1. the "stuped guy goes for stuped girl" example-
guy : "Hi u hotter than my aunt"
feamale : "hi i am sexy also of young " <then she wink her eyeballs>
guy : "Here my number cal it with a phon then we can haev some fun?"
feamale : "Yes I have phone"
NOW let this xraycat analyze this 2 people. first the guy is very stuped. he poor at GRAMMAR also .
now for the feamale i would put her in the "Chocolate Chip Donut" categori. Why u ask? Because of her smartness rating is low I respond. this is recording of what i say to the two people.
xray: "BEEP BEEP o sorry u 2 that is just the sound of my stuped-ometer going off must be atract to u 2." <i use humor and intelect to confuse the Chocolate Chip Donut and stuped guy>
guy : heha
feamale : shwang
<at this point i turn toawrd the bartender>
xraycat: large shot of voadka for me pleaze
bartandor: but your a cat u cant weigh more than 5 libs"
xray : "voadka"
2. the "smart guy go for what he thinks is smart girl" example-
mistor smart: "hi who are u with tonight"
ms. smart: "my boyfrend"
mistor smart: "that is unfortuntle turn of event but thankfuly i am smart . unlike you boyfriend "
ms. smart: "i dont like u alot ok?"
mistor smart : "wel u dont want a peace of pie then u dun getting any"
<this time i realize intelect wil not work on them so i try to revers my psychology>
xraycat: "racknorf?"
ms. smart : "excuse me?"
xraycat: "are going of to snignord"
<at this point ms. smart give me 1$ and go away . hooray!>
xraycat: "bartandor? voadka please"
bartandor : "<robotic metal sound>"
NWW this girl oviosly fit into the "Garbage Sock Chemicals" category.
3. the "girl who is actually a guy goes for the guy that is actually a girl" example-
<note: at this point of me studys i had drink voadka. this has inhibited the writng capability of this already partialy chalenged cat>
feamale <actually a guy "hi imm hot and female"
guy <actualy a feamale> : "hi im hot and male"
feamale : "eya"
guy : "heha"
it was at this point i stick my tongue on the bartendors face. he punch me in the eye and i pass out.
CONCLUSIN:
guys if u need to get with some feamales just by nice, smart, and funny. also u need to look likE "hot and young???"
that it piece out
I think it's missing the first one?