View Full Version : it flew 15 feet
03-16-04, 10:08 AM
(i didn’t think this would count as a rant so i put it here)
well last night my father was playing EQ and m mom decided that she had enough.
my mom has been trying to get an ok from my dad to spend almost 2k+ of you family’s income to take a month vacation to Italy. It is understandable that she has some family and friends over there and that she wants to go visit them. My dad is a loner who works hard for our family. He works the night shift (7pm to 5am) every night except for sun-tues. Not being a psychologist I cant make a professional diagnosis but i think that my mom is either having a mid-life crisis (again) or something is haunting her from her childhood. My mom always has had a problem with other people either taking the spot light from her life or telling her that she should do something.
(a little history)
My mom discovered online chatting back in 2000 and she found a place where she can be absorbed in peoples life. So January of 2001 she ran for Italy to spend time with some guy who she believed loved her and when she found that he was just having fun her she stopped for a while.
Now she wants to go to Italy and according to her its because she wants to unwind (she’s been at the computer chatting again heavily) and we don’t believe but of course she will get her way. Now my dad has given her the OK but he told her that he doesn’t trust her and she told him that he doesn’t trust him on EQ because she knows u can talk to other people on it and that she thinks that he act on it like she acts on a normal chat site.
so my dad was playing last night being his day off and my mom comes out of the shower and started attacking the monitor saying that she had enough of the computer and my dad. He took it surprisingly calmly the monitor fell off the desk and survived to live another day. My dad went to get a drink of water from the kitchen and argued with my mom a little more and then decided to give her the silent treatment. of course she took is as a threat so she picked up the computer and she threw it (case and all) to the other side of the living room to the TV wich is about 15 feet and then she told him to get out so he grabbed the computer and asked me to keep it in my room until thing settled down and i did. when he walked out of the house he came to my window and asked for the computer too be passed thru the window. About 10 minutes after i helped my dad my mom walked in my room and asked for the computer. when i told her that he took it she became angry at me and said that i have 2 days to move out.
I have no clue if the computer survived i didnt even try and turn it on. my dad came home this morning when my mom went to work and he drove me and my sister to school but none of us brought up last night.
I really hate it when they do this because ir puts me in a very depressive state and because of other problems concerning me and my mom I have been contemplating many things in this little head of mine.
03-16-04, 10:31 AM
that is really rough.
one thing you need to truly understand is that this is a problem with your PARENTS, it is not your fault and has nothing to do with you at all.
second your mom telling you to move out is way way WAY over the line, she needs to get some counselling fast. that is not they way you treat your kids ever, you dont even joke around with them like that.
I hope things work out for ya, I have a feeling its gonna get worse before it gets better, but this could be one of those things that makes things get alot better once its resolved.
03-16-04, 10:31 AM
Your mother sounds pretty selfish and immature. Lovely for parents to behave as children in front of their children.
Computer is likely shot. Hard Drives don't cope well with concussive force. Head crashes are common.
Grow up and get out of the house ASAP, avoid contact with your mother as much as possible. If you're not 18, she can't technically make you leave and even after that...it's your primary residence, you have certain legal rights. We had a thread about this not long ago infact. gnmish.gearbinder.ring.warden.sullon.zek
'Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly.'
03-16-04, 10:38 AM
well im 19 atm and when we even have a small argument she always pull the "i want you to move out" card out of her ass Inuur Darkpoker
Legion of Ragnarok
EzCode Parsing Error:][
03-16-04, 10:39 AM
Your mom isn't bipolar, is she? Because she sounds like she acts EXACTLY like how my boyfriend's mom used to act before she began being treated for bipolar disorder.
She had numerous affairs, always thinking that the grass was greener on the other side, getting hurt, and then returning home. Her husband finally had enough of the infidelity four years ago, and they divorced. They remain friends somehow after all of that.
She would throw things around the house, including a butcher knife that lodged itself into my boyfriend's leg.
She was a major control freak - if it wasn't her way, no one was going to be happy.
Now that she's being treated, she's MUCH better, and much happier. (Back In Black)
Delissandra Splitshadow - Marauder of Clan X
Grandmaster Poisoner (250), Master Potter (195), Grandmaster Lush (200)
03-16-04, 10:42 AM
As far as forcing you to move out - she can't just kick you out. If you want to move out, though, it might not be a bad idea.
03-16-04, 10:44 AM
when my mom was young her dad died and her evil mom sent her and my aunt to an nun orphanage and thats where i think she got all her phycological problems from but im not really sure because we dont talk about it
Edit: andorions response well i dont know where i would move out how much it would cost and i need a real job before i can do anything to pay for the downpayment
Sig nerfed per rules. Signiture once per thread. Please read the SIGNATURE RULES. Thankyou. --Gyorg Edited by: Gyorg at: 3/16/04 10:51 am
03-16-04, 10:54 AM
I don't normally say this since I believe many phychological problems are really just a manifestation of something else, but honestly your mom sounds bipolar. Rule of the safehouse, don't take medical advice from the safehouse. But I'd say get her someone to check her to see if she is bipolar and start treating it before it gets worse. For her, for you, for your father, and your family.
03-16-04, 11:11 AM
Get a menial decent paying job and get a place to live. It's a shame that your mother would force this situation on you, thereby screwing your life for the forseeable future, if not forever...but alot of parents are this way now-a-days.
The children aren't the problem, it's the parents.
My mother behaved the same way alot of the time causing alot of friction between myself and my father in later years, finally I took her suggestion, packed my @#%$ and left.
Still pisses me off to this day.
EDIT: Sig BLAMMO! Edited by: Gnmish Gearbinder at: 3/16/04 11:12 am
And if you replace the PC, try one with a sturdier, shock absorbing case.
03-16-04, 11:21 AM
Your parents can kick you out anytime they please.
You going to community college or something? Take her advice and move out, get on with your life. You will have enough problems without dealing with your parents stupid drama.
03-16-04, 11:28 AM
Yep, unfortunately, once you're 18, your parents can kick you out any time they please. My mom has kicked me out and I'm lucky that my dad is supporting me for now. But I have to work to make sure that I can support myself at any time. And it really screws up your chances for a normal life when they do that do ya. If you're smart and hard working enough you can still have one, but it's gonna be a lot harder.
03-16-04, 11:36 AM
Why don't you just take a nice and quiet minute with your mom and talk about this chit, tell her whats bothering you, but don't accuse her of acting over her line. Simply ask whats going on, that she wants you to move out etc is probably just a fear of either you leaving or of worrying about you. She does not sound like a maniac, she sounds stressed, and something is likely bothering her a lot, and maybe she feels left alone with it, being your dad is more into the computer. I find it ridiculous how your dad acts, when she is throwing a 'fit' like that to worry more about the computer then her, because obviously she is distressed.
For your own good, being this is your family, if her and him are not able to start a talk, you might do it for them, talk to your mom in all seriousness, tell her you worry if she wants you to move out or what really is happening. No idea if she will talk to you but I would definitely give it a try, atleast you MIGHT get an idea of whats going on. Maybe make yourself a few notes before you go to her, so you know what to say, and make sure she has a somewhat decent time to aproach her on this. Or go to your dad and make him realize that he and your mom need to TALK.
This is your life in the end, if you move out, or her kicking you out, no matter WHY this happens, it will have a profound impact on YOUR life, so give it a shot and check with her, maybe have both dad and mom sit together, and TALK, not fight.
And good luck.
Mardoc the Dwarf
03-16-04, 11:37 AM
depending on the cost of living in yuor area, even a minimum wage job can support a crappy apartment. I make $5.50 at McDonald's work 45 hours a week, and can pull in enough for an apartment...and you can steal all the food you want.
But yeah, the parental situation in your family sounds really messed up. And I would gtrust a woman who can throw a monitor, and comp 15 feet......
03-16-04, 11:38 AM
I'd hope that if you decide to move out that at least your Dad would help you with costs. Of course you'd need a steady job to pay the bills, but it's entirely doable.
It's not terribly different from when I went to college at 18. I had to work from day 1, was able to afford my apt and pay my bills. It was hard work though. I did receive some financial help from my parents/grandparents, true, but not a lot.
Also, I got through college on student loans.
It won't be easy, but I know you can do it. I do truly hope your mom will seek counseling though. I'd concur with the others about the possibility of bi-polar disorder. It's a bitch and can really wreck your life if you don't control it.
EZ_Riot Sio Zon
03-16-04, 11:56 AM
They can't "kick you out" they can tell you to leave, they can throw your stuff on the curb, they can use physical force, but they can't legally kick you out just like that. It is true, you have rights as it is your primary residence and you can not be thrown out of your primary residence at the drop of a hat. Riot Sio`Zon 65 Rogue
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"The law of Perversity of the Inanimate, suggests that the most frequent time to get 3 procs in a row is immediately after the mob turns on you." - Syldin
03-16-04, 12:03 PM
That's not what the police told me, Riot. /shrug
03-16-04, 12:03 PM
Quote:Your mom isn't bipolar, is she?
Something about your description of your mother and D's description of this other woman screams borderline personality disorder more then bipolar.
Borderline personality disorder often includes black and white assessments of situations. Things are either great or they are unbearable. People are either perfect or despised, usually starting as the former, becomming the latter and being shut out. BPD people also tend to be amorous and pursue sexual dalliances a great deal. It tends to strike women a great deal more then men.
Seems a bit curious.
EZ_Riot Sio Zon
03-16-04, 12:18 PM
As always said, take with a grain of salt any medical or legal advice you are told on a message board, but often Police don't know exactly what the law is, just general perception or what/how they are told to enforce it. There is a reason we have lawyers to argue about the law.
The main reason it is easier to throw your kid out than a squatter is because the squatter doesn't care.
03-16-04, 12:19 PM
Quote:they can tell you to leave, they can throw your stuff on the curb, they can use physical force
They can't do any of these things. They also can't shut off the utilities.
03-16-04, 12:22 PM
Why does everyone care so much about the problems his mom has?
Also, if you parents tell you to hit the road and you are over the age of 18. Why the hell would you sit on your Mickey Mouse bed yelling about the letter of the law and your legal right to be there?
Edited by: FreonSmurf at: 3/16/04 12:27 pm
03-16-04, 01:00 PM
Your micky mouse bed beats a 350sq ft apartment in the @#%$-tiest part of town?
edit: Helped filter --gyorg *kicks self* Edited by: Gyorg at: 3/16/04 2:19 pm
03-16-04, 01:13 PM
Hmm, interesting read. I don't doubt that it's true, but I guess in my case it doesn't apply. I do get mail there, but I don't pay the bills, and have another place to go, my dad's house where I'm preparing to go off on my own. However, what the police told me was that I either had to go with them to a shelter, walk out the door and keep walking, or go with my dad. And no matter how much I may dislike my mom for what she did, I still love and respect her, so it wouldn't be fair for me to do something like that to her.
03-16-04, 01:26 PM
How do you figure Gyorg?
I see the small apartment in a cheap part of town as a great chance for learning and growth.
Or there is the option of letting your parents control your life, while your sit on the mickey mouse bed and wait for your weekly allowance.
03-16-04, 02:08 PM
if you know any trades or are just good with tools id suggest trying to get into the construction trades(HVAC, Electrical, Plumbing, roofing, etc) the companies will put you through an apprenticeship and that sorta thing. its not a nice soft office job but if you do it long enough it will pay the bills and provide luxuries, even have the ability to form your own company at some point.
Earth Destroyed by Solarflare. Video at Eleven
Theres something on the Wing....
EZ_Morek the rogue
03-16-04, 02:45 PM
I make minimum wage (5.15 an hour) plus tips delivering pizza. I make enough to cover the bills and have a little spare change at the end of the month for some fun. Its going to be hard to move out, but it can be done. Granted you wont be in the nicest of neighborhoods, or have a lavish house but it will be yours. It sucks that you gotta grow up that fast man, but it might end up making you happier in the long run.
03-16-04, 02:49 PM
Freon did you see the post(I think Mrens posted it) about trying to get rid of the roommate? Legaly you can't just boot people, which can suck if its your palce.
But yeah, your mom sounds nuts, try to get out when you can. Hara
03-16-04, 04:48 PM
Seriously dude, your dad sounds cool.
03-16-04, 08:36 PM
Edit: Ooops replied to wrong thread. Edited by: Synrax at: 3/16/04 8:36 pm
03-16-04, 09:51 PM
Get a job,save up,move out its intimidating at first but well worth it. Just think when people throw a fit you can toss them out.
03-16-04, 10:40 PM
Lol, I am still trying to get over the image of your Dad...
"psst, hey son -- pass the hard drive quick! I'm outty!"
03-17-04, 12:09 AM
Quote:when he walked out of the house he came to my window and asked for the computer too be passed thru the window.
And they say EQ isn't addictive...
03-17-04, 12:45 AM
who owns the house? if its under your dad's name then she cant kick you out, infact he could kick her out. id say when she goes to Italy he cuts off the creditcards so the guy shes moon lighting with has to pay for everything.
03-17-04, 09:02 AM
well im back at school my moms mood is OK again and the computer is back good news is that my stuff still works but the slave drive is screwy and the network card got hurt thanks to my master driver landing on it.
for now my dad is playing whipped boy (although he does that most of the time) and for now they made up (so hes back in the house).
I talked to a friend and he said that as soon as schools out for both of us were both going to get real jobs and move into some cheap appartments togheter. All im worried about that is that if one of his friends may jack our stuff but im going to confront him about it before we get the appartment.
as for my mom being bipolar she does sound like she may have some of the symptoms but how do you tell a person whos mood changes that fast and always threatens to kick you out that she has a problem?
03-17-04, 09:15 AM
With a Louisville Slugger and a aluminum trashcan lid...
Just kidding...in case that needed any clarification.
03-17-04, 09:41 AM
Quote:as for my mom being bipolar she does sound like she may have some of the symptoms but how do you tell a person whos mood changes that fast and always threatens to kick you out that she has a problem?
The quick mood changes are definitely a good indicator, IMO.
What you need to do is approach her problem in a way that does not seem threatening to her, let her know that you love her, and that you want to do everything you can to keep your relationship with her as loving as possible.
I'd suggest that you should go to a therapist yourself first and talk to them about your own problems, and then see if you can't get your mother, and other family members, to come with you to a session or two. She might see that as less threatening than saying that she's the only one with a problem and is being made to go see a doctor against her will.
This might make her realize that the depression that she may be feeling can be helped, and that she isn't alone.
03-17-04, 11:02 AM
well thanks a lot u guys and gals im going to try and resolve this issue as soon as possible
03-18-04, 01:09 AM
Bah to all of it, Join the service, uncle sam gives you a life problem solved. best thing I ever did.
03-18-04, 01:36 AM
Quote:I find it ridiculous how your dad acts, when she is throwing a 'fit' like that to worry more about the computer then her, because obviously she is distressed.
Sorry, this just really makes me laugh. Let's reverse the situation for a minute, so it's the man who flipped out and started flinging things around the house in a jealous rage. Are you still all sympathetic? "Awww poor guy, he can't help it, he's just distressed." Or are you calling the police and thinking about a restraining order already?
03-18-04, 03:21 AM
I see the problem different..she is not destroying random items in the house ( or like the other woman throwing knives), police would probably laugh at ya if your wife would kill the computer and you call the cops on it.
I am not saying she needs sympathy or is not helped, sure something more is going on, it doesn't need to be bipolar or need-to-be-drugged-depression, but Dad here seems to worry more about his Holy computer then that his wife is having a serious problem with him.
This would be called a wave with the flagpole to see the marriage is in deep chit. The kind of type where the guy says afterwards " oh it came out of the blue that she divorced me". Being the 'kid' is threatened with moving out or throwing out, he's the one that needs to check into what he can do, or where he stands, not legally, geez what child would want to go through the stuff to legally prove if the mom can or can not throw you out.
Might as well go join the army ) Just don't do the same f... thing to your wife then.
High 5 to that woman. I hope she got the Dad's attention
03-18-04, 04:13 AM
I guess you do see the problem different. From the post I read, I saw a woman who has already abandoned her family and run off to Italy to meet some guy off the net, then came crawling back when that didn't work out, and the guy took her back. From the sounds of things she wants to do it again, and is pissed cos the guy won't pay for her ticket to get there.
She also has double standards, she wants to "chat" on the net, but gets violently jealous when the husband does the same thing.
In your eyes it's all the husband's fault for not giving her enough attention though right? Yea, high 5 that woman.....
03-18-04, 07:39 AM
...right between the eyes.
03-18-04, 08:52 AM
Quote:...and is pissed cos the guy won't pay for her ticket to get there.
well like i said in my first post she has the cash and has the ticket already but its my dad who really wont give her his conpliance (having a brain fart) with the action
03-18-04, 10:19 AM
She also has family there not just some dude. )
03-18-04, 10:49 AM
I also don't see a guy taking this 'argument' the wrong way. He's acting calm and rational while inside he has GOT to be seething inside. He's not only worried about his "holy computer", you can count on that. But it gives him something that he can deal with rationally and without emotion. Men like that kind of thing when emotions are heating up. I am mightily impressed with how he reacted especially after hearing the backstory. It sounds to me like he loves her, but doesn't know how to help her. I'm willing to bet a dime against a dollar that he's tried to talk to her about these things and gotten nowhere if not worse.
Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I still give the guy much kudos.
03-18-04, 10:52 AM
i wish i could get my self to belive that but she and her family dont exactly get along because of who my mom married. So i know thats not the reason why she is going. my dad now is acting like hes totally whipped (insert whipped noise) hes getting her flowers, driving her to work, and other stuff that shall not be named on this site.
tosay the thruth i never been close with my parents or my family. Both my parents worked and i was always left at the mercy of the television. My sister on the other hand always had my parents to support her and maybe that could be why she has been on the honor roll for years and im always at the other side of the spectrum.
03-18-04, 11:47 AM
BTW inuur, sorry if I come across as painting your mom as the b*tch from hell. I didn't mean it like that, it's not my business to pass judgement. Just had to say something in reply to that post by Senny.
I'm not qualified to say much about either or your situation anymore than anyone else in this thread. I don't think anyone here can tell you for sure what's up with your mother. And the below is just my personal experience with having a bi-polar friend, who knows, maybe it sounds familiar - or maybe not.
As for the bipolar thing, does she have periods in which she'll be the most charming person you can imagine? Very social, very happy, spend freely? Then afterwards huge downs where everything's impossible, blaming others, not doing much of anything because 'there's no point' and so on? That would be a very classic bi-polar thing. But the drastic fast changing mood swings, beyond even what we'd just call moody, say to me borderline personality disorder, or bi-polar.
The thing to remember about the bi-polar is that you can't reason with them when they're either manic or depressed. Believe me, I've tried to talk a friend out of spending all his money while on a manic streak and was completely pointless. I could just as well been talking to a wall. When manic they know best, you're overreacting or something will come along to save everything so no need to worry and so on. Then when they're depressed the only time you'll get through is once the depression hits such a low they don't have the energy to fight you anymore - or they start swinging back to manic. The thing to remember is that whatever they say or do probably has nothing to do with you, or really the situation that triggers the reaction - it's mostly just pure brain chemistry.
03-19-04, 01:05 AM
I guess no matter what really goes on between Mom and Dad here, bit sad to hear your side there Innur, I assume she threatened you to move out only because the computer issue?
(seems almost funny how much I sympathize with this woman, I also have family overseas, who I did not get along smoothly, but now I moved there, after I divorced my husband. Because he was a sort that did not listen, not able to be communicated with, and it is dearly frustrating, all these posts about bi-polar made me wonder myself .)
So if the moving out is hopefully no threat to you anymore, (or is it still?), you might need to look in the future a bit, its sad that your parents had no time for you, but sadly reality for lots of children, sad that you don't have close contact with your parents even though you live together. But hey, life does suck somtimes, but since you are 18+, now you are able to do something for your life to make it better, or shape it in forms you would like it.And your sis being better then you, heck be happy for her, you never know how life can twist and turn, do the best you can for yourself. Make some plans and ask your parents if they approve of your plans( you might already be in colllege). Even though they seem to have problems together, and almost every marriage has some somewhere, seems they are working on it to smoothen things, which is always a good sign.
And afterall maybe your mom is bipolar depressed and what not, but you'll not be the one able to help her anyhow. Only thing you could do then is perhaps check into more info about depression, and ask some professionals about how to deal with the situation.
03-19-04, 08:53 AM
well now its becoming a daily thing "cant wait till you move out" or "i want you to move out on (insert date 2 days from now)."
but i really stopped listening to the threats lately because she sounds like a broken record and she wont stop whining.
i love it when she feels guilty about something that she did to me she she was enraged because she thinks she can buy my love back with starbucks. She still doesnt know that i've been in contact with a realtor who specializes with apartments and she says i could get a good deal around town for me and my friend.
As fo a job. i found a job as a park ranger (clean trails, answer questions, check fishing licenses, ect...) at least as a summer job so i can get a few references for a real job.
03-19-04, 09:05 AM
Quote:i love it when she feels guilty about something that she did to me she she was enraged because she thinks she can buy my love back with starbucks.
OMG - I wonder if your mom IS the same person as my boyfriend's mom? She would buy him stuff (for some reason, she thought he could never have enough watches) or give him money after she went all ape-@#%$.
He finally sat down and talked with her about a year ago (she's been on meds for a while now) and managed to forgive her for making his formative years rather difficult.
03-19-04, 09:16 AM
oh yeah i almost forgot
my dad bought another network card guess he couldnt live too long w/out EQ for too long.
03-19-04, 08:48 PM
Night shifts are rough...
Did em for a year, and for that year...I was addicted to EQ like it was crack. Not that i've ever been addicted to crack *looks around* j/k I'm no druggie
My basic non-professional hypothesis as to why your parents are in this situation is due to lack of social lives. The lack of social lives are due to circumstance rather than choice.
I've worked your dads shift before...you don't see anyone all night, let alone all weekend, and when your off, everyone else is at school/work...or just asleep.
THis leads to a lack of social interaction, and a desire to fill the void, or pass the time. The same goes for your mother.
If she's anything like mine she spends all day at home or running errands, and the main stream of friends she aquires comes from the wives of your father's friends. Now if your father doesn't have much of a social life due to work schedules..then your mother won't have much of a social life either.
Thus the internet comes into play...a place where everyone is beautiful, young, and dieing to have you as the center of attention.
If you were under 18...I'd say stay out of it, and remember that it isn't about you.
Seeing how your 19, you have to realize that your also an adult...which gives you choices. You can choose to ignore your parents, and move out.
Or you can confont them about their behavior and show them it bothers you. If you aproach them and say..."mom...dad, I'm concerned about what's been going on these past few days. I think you both need to get out."
and offer a suggestion that your parents spend that $2000 on a vacation, if even a small getaway for the weekend, rather than her going to Italy to meet with some wanker. It'll give your parents a chance to break out of their daily routine, and rediscover what's missing in their lives.
It's just a suggestion...I hate hearing about things like this, and I hope that what ever happens, it all works out ok in the end.
03-19-04, 09:53 PM
Sounds like your dad has an addiction, EQ. Addictions of any kind can kill relationships, and EQ is NO different. It almost ended my marriage at one point early on. Its so easy to get into the raiding etc. and totally ignore your family and friends. I rarely play now, only when I have some totally free time. EQ is a great game, but RL is too great to miss. I feel sorry for the kids in College/HS that will miss some fun nights due to playing a stupid game all night.
03-20-04, 04:10 AM
Its starting to get old after 4 years of people saying EQ is an "addiction". Thats a bunch of crap, if he wasn't playing EQ he'd be doing something else to the same degree. Most people play EQ like any other hobby, its just that when its EQ it gets called an "addiction". Hara
03-20-04, 07:30 AM
I can't help but laugh. If the dad wasn't playing EQ, what would people blame? I mean really.. it takes a certain outlook on life to be able to read a situation where one partner is occupying their time with internet relationships, leaving their family (on the family's dime no less), cheating, and violence, and the other is occupying their time with EQ, and people come out in droves to blame to EQer over the cheater/smasher. Not to claim the status of a "real professional" in any one endeavor has been a small price to pay for the many benefits and pleasures of trespassing. ~Leo Lionni
03-20-04, 10:05 AM
Quote:and offer a suggestion that your parents spend that $2000 on a vacation, if even a small getaway for the weekend, rather than her going to Italy to meet with some wanker. It'll give your parents a chance to break out of their daily routine, and rediscover what's missing in their lives.
i may have described it wrong but its my mom alone who wants to go to Italy with out my dad