I can give you just about anything you want: However, I cannot give you everything you want. Decide what is most important, and I will ****ing well make it happen, but you are not allowed to add on to it or complain about what I am not capable of doing simultaneously. Pick one goddamned thing, and then just let me do it. You can pick the goal, but you cannot also determine the method.

For example, you cannot tell me that we need something that costs X dollars and then complain that I am working all the time and never at home. Do you want me home, or do you want the item I am trying to earn enough to pay for? You don't get both. I cannot earn extra money by staying home and washing dishes. I cannot save money if you're too tired to cook and insist on eating out.

It's not fair to tell me the kids need the stability of buying our own house and then say I am gone too much and they need their father. If the most important thing is me being there for the kids, then accept that we will end up staying with family or signing up for section 8 housing. If the house is the important thing, then quit making me feel bad about trying to make it happen.

Materialism and free time are mutually exclusive.

I'm gonna suggest working less.

A better suggestion might be marital counseling (not meant in jest or as an attack).

These are good things for couples to talk through, and it may be helpful to do so with a third party who is very experienced in helping couples navigate these waters.

EDIT: As an immediate fix, if you don't already have one, I'd strongly suggest outlining a budget you will follow responsibly (and probably setting some attainable financial goals).

I suggest DHITP.

Welcome to marriage..most women (not all) are absolutely insane. Logic like the above is something that most of them simply don't grasp. My wife is fairly sane 98% of the time, but even she has been subject to the above a few times. My wife knows better then to give me a goal and expect to micromanage me, but that doesn't stop her from trying every once in a while. I just ignore or, tell her to piss off and without fail all is forgotten/forgiven as soon as end goal is delivered.

AHEM...to the insane comment...

I agree with all the rest of the above posts...besides the pooper part...I don't know how many of you BOYS have had something shoved up your pooper but suffice it to say it is uncomfortable.

Sol, have you found mint.com yet?

It is a great online budgeting site that helps you or HER see how much money you have and where it is all going and has very useful tools so that you have a good long term picture.

I can see that it is a very emotionally charges issue with the two of you so a third party could be helpful but if you don't have the extra cash...

Sometimes, when it is a charged up topic, I find writing a letter helpful because i can step back and edit all the sarcasim etc out of the letter and only give him the facts. Maybe THAT would help?

Sorry VR, even my wife agrees that most women are insane. :D

I think one of the things my boyfriend loves about me the most, is that I fully agree: 98% of women are batshit insane 98% of the time. Though I also agree with VR - I find that writing it down helps a lot, partially because I can then vent, but also because I can go back and edit it before I give it to him, rather than having a heated debate. Since we're both rather sarcastic... those heated debates can be interesting to say the least.

I think you're all just rubbing it in that you have boyfriends/girlfriends whatever, and us poor single folks are forever alone :(

If neither of us are married by 40, I'll marry you. Then divorce you. That way you'll have a tragic relationship past that will sucker in the other divorced women.

and they can turn you ungay. I heard thats the new turning a bad boy good.

PS Stop whining that your single, that totally attracts the women.

20 years this August

My girlfriend does too. Hasn't had more than a couple women friends in her life. Of course a lot of men are assholes. Don't anybody think one side is all that great.

Single people just don't realize how good they have it.

The grass is always greener on the other side...

I'd rather not be single anymore and deal with a crazy girlfriend The pros > the cons

I tried dating, but it didn't work. I'm single for the time being and pretty good with it.

(I reckon I'll date/marry eventually.)

Back on topic...

Sol how's it going?

My best friend growing up is/was in a similar situation. He suffered a serious injury at work that basically destroyed his back. After they moved him off worker's comp, they tried putting him in an office job that only paid 30% of what he made before.

They kept trying to get him back on the assembly line, which would further destroy his back and life. Mhis wife acted like she couldn't comprehend how bad his back is, and kept pushing for him to basically kill himself to make the money. Even after three doctors tried to explain it to her, no dice.

This is a guy who is 37 and will most likely be in a wheelchair by the time he is 40.

Question: Does your wife work outside the home?

I ask because as a working woman in a committed relationship (currently (thankfully?) without pets or children), I know that when I get home from work the last thing I want to do is to deal with making dinner, doing laundry and dishes, cleaning the house gardening, etc., and neither does he.

However, when I have a day off from work, I can get a great deal of work done (got a full 4 loads of laundry done, and a week's worth of dinners in the fridge when I was off last Tuesday for a FiOS install - I was taking it easy).

It's either one or the other for me - I can't work full time and also take care of the home as much as I would like to. Can't imagine how much more stressed I'd be with pets and kids in the equation.

I'll second whoever said to go over your finances with her. For some people, finances are intuitive; one must work more, or spend less, to afford something expensive. Other people don't grasp it at all without seeing the numbers, and a few people hate numbers so much that refuse to understand it when you lay out all the details for them.

Other than that, talk to her. Her intent of asking for object that costs $X might have been "same work, less spending for Y months" while you took it as "work more for Y months". Just because she asked for something does not mean that she expected you to work overtime for the last months, she might have wanted to cut grocery bills and car insurance payments so you could afford whatever it is this time next year.

That's why Mint.com is so good. you get a really good picture of what is coming in and going out. And it has very easy to use budgeting tools

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no...ds=dave+ramsey

I'd recommend "Financial Peace" for theory, "Total Money Makeover" for practice.

have you heard the expression I can give it to you fast or good or cheap, pick 2. of course frequently the reality is you can only pick 1. I feel like that is where I am. the middle path accomplishes nothing. it makes progress on buying the home too slow, while not providing enough other things to compensate. I am making enough to pay the bills, but not enough for more than one "and". it is just frustrating. I am being asked to provide solutions that are mutually exclusive. also having to please too many people... it is not just my wife

Your responsibility is to you, your wife, your kids (if any) and that is all. If you spend your time taking care of anyone elses 'problems, issues, finances, etc' you'll end up in a bankruptcy court/mental hospital. (footnote this with a note about parents: your responsibility if they are elderly/infirm/mentally or physically unable to care for themselves)

The moment I gave the wife control of the finances... **** changed quick. You just can't appreciate it until your in control of it.

My great Aunt was, briefly, offering to be our mortgage company. Because she doesn't live nearby, she wanted my mother and grandmother to be her eyes. Which meant that I had to find a place my wife would accept, and then convince 3 other women that it was a good idea as well. Making 4 women happy simultaneously was impossible, which is why that is no longer the plan.

I used to work as much as 112 hours in a week. Now I have a schedule of 38.75 hours and the option for some OT. Already working less.

Also, have a budget, but it doesn't convince her.

Ok...then ask HER to come up with a plan that involves YOU working less and yet saving more money for the house.

Holy **** Sol, it was like reading a post I made in my head a 100 times but never logged in to post.

I was in the same exact situation (and still sort of in now). My fiance wanted to get out of our apartment because it was (agreeably) too small. However, when I went from a part time job FINALLY to a decent paying full time job, I wanted to keep the part time job for extra cash. No biggie, just say 10 -15 hours a week extra.

After 2 weeks of that I was getting "talked" to (not "yelled at") that I needed to be home more. Then when I quit the part time job I was getting "talked" to (not "yelled at") as she didn't understand why we suddenly couldn't spend money as much as before.

Luckily in my case though she's not very knowledgeable with the finances and I can control it, however it gets frustrating because now we rely on her income too which is 25-30 hours a week at minimum wage. But even though she doesn't like it she trusts me enough to listen when I say we can't buy something even when she really wants it.

Honestly, this is the solution =/ How to achieve it, I don't know.

Seriously...how hard IS it to just spell it all out.

Draw a picture...make a list...set up a budget...a ven diagram...something to show how much you make for X number of hours...how much is spent...what is left over...what the end goals are and what THOSE will cost.

If she can SEE it then most likely she will "get it"

I'll add that for my own personal use I use a Google Docs spreadsheet to allocate all my funds. I've tried using the traditional budget method (keep track of where everything is going, or whatever) and that's not sufficient for me. I wanted something much more dynamic (I think mint.com and maybe some others out there offer something similar to what I do).

I have three sheets, one is the cover one which displays the running totals, and the other two are for credits and debits. At any given time I know how much money I actually have, and then that pool of funds is sub-divided up into individual spending categories (housing, automotive, grocery, etc.) and I've got a running total for how much is left for each of that. When I get paid (or deposit any other money into my account) that is input on the credit sheet and those funds are then allocated per category until they are all allocated.

I had to create this from scratch because I knew exactly what I wanted and could not find anything which did this for me. Sometime more professional/robust may exist which you can use; I don't know.

I'd of course be glad to share this with anyone on here if they are interested, by the way. I do not think there are any further changes/improvements I can really make at this point, as I started this project at least two years ago and tweaked it constantly for a long time.

In fact, I'll go a step further and say that if any of you are a programmer and wanna help actually code something (I think this would be a great phone app) I'd even be interested in figuring something up to market this somehow?

Does your spread sheet automatically update from all your accounts...credit, checking and savings?

That's the cool thing about Mint...it automatically downloads all account information once you log on.

It takes a little bit of work in the beginning categorizing transactions and adding categories you think you want to track, but after you have done that all budget sections are filled in so you know how much you spent on fast food...or books...or garden supplies what ever you have set up

Na, and I'm really fine with that. I have my checking account where I word (as mentioned in another thread, I work at a bank), a money market account with Ally (online only and basically best interest rates available for liquid deposit accounts right now), and a credit card with Chase (which I've had for about five years but use infrequently and have never paid interest).

I remember now why Mint didn't really meet my needs. Spending money at WalMart just didn't fit properly. I might go to WalMart and spend $75, but that can break down to forty five for groceries, twenty for entertainment, and ten miscellaneous. I set up the spreadsheet so I can break down single transactions among as many categories as I need to.

That said, maybe they have updated their interface. It's been several years since I messed with it. I also like to enter each transaction manually so that checks don't float indefinitely, etc. I have it set up so I enter both the transaction date and the post date, and formulas check those columns to total up my true balance in addition to what my bank account thinks my balance is. I balance my spreadsheet against my online banking history quarterly to make sure that there are no discrepancies (entry errors on my part, fraudulent charges, transactions I forgot to record, etc.).

Kam, your spread sheet sounds great if you are analitical etc.

Mint is for the rest of us =)

my appendix burst
im in the hospital
so no work this week anyway

OUCH!!!

I had that happen when I was a kid, very painfull...sorry about all that

If you have a variable income (like freelancers do) I suggest YNAB ( http://secure.youneedabudget.com/aff... Need a Budget).

Also, they have free webinars on how to use it but more importantly on their overall approach to budgets and other financial topics.

PS Not all women are insane all of the time. But most women are a little insane some of the time.

well damn, insult to injury there. Feel better

On the brighter side, you now get to spend more time at home with the kids.

But not in the way you were hoping I'm sure, Hope things pick up for ya buddy.

Wow, that was almost a Haiku.

But yeah, glad to hear you are ok, a burst appendix can be some serious stuff. Good luck to you!