Prologue
I took a trip to see a friend from college this weekend. Actually, the way the trip was scheduled was like this:
Thursday:
-Leave after work, go to Washington DC by plane
-Take metro to sister's apartment
-Chill
Friday:
-Take early flight to Philadelphia
-Get picked up by friend at airport
-to to friend's house
-get drunk
-be drunk
Saturday:
-Repeat last two activities from Friday
Sunday:
-Same as Saturday
Monday:
-Get drunk at breakfast
-Go to beach
-Come back
-Pack
-Get drunker
-Catch flight to Charlotte
-Make connection to Knoxville
-Go home
That was my itenerary, and it worked out well. A few complications arose:
-at one point or another, all of my flights got cancelled
-the friend who was supposed to pick me up got scheduled to work, so I had no ride from Philly to Jersey
-Let me stress again, all of my flights got cancelled
Surprisingly, however, everything worked out. I chilled with the sis, chilled with the friend in Jersey (named Gia) who is very much like a sis to me, and all that jazz. I spent the majority of the time I was there drunk, as expected. What I did not expect was to spend the majority of time I was there drinking with Gia's parents. It wasn't awkward, they were just cool people, and it turned out that way. Anyway, I sustained a number of injuries on this trip, and that's what I created this topic to discuss:
My Elbows and Knees
It was at the D.C. reagan airport before I boarded the metro to go to my sister's apartment building. Myself, and the other 10 passengers from the tiny ass plane we took from Knoxville to DC stood staring blankly at a baggage claim monitor. The screen at the other end of the airport had told us to come here:
Baggage Claim 9 - it blinked overhead, but the monitor below, which was meant to show which flights' luggage were on the belt, was blank. I suppose it was appropriate that the screen was empty, apparently "empty" is the new fashion in baggage claims. The belt was frustratingly "in the know." After about 15 minutes of us standing around, someone had the bright idea to ask one of the US Air representatives where our luggage was. This was a big bitchy white woman, so when I say "she asked" I really mean "she practically unhinged her jaw and swallowed the poor pimply prick whole." He pointed a shaky finger at Baggage Claim 8.
Baggage claim 8 - This claim's belt had caught onto the fashion that seemed to be spreading everywhere across the terminal, but its screen wasn't sporting the same look. Unfortunatley, this claim was an arrival for canadian flights. We tossed the fat woman a donut in an effort to save the pimpled attendant's life, and returned to claim 9. About 10 minutes later (mind you, we'd been waiting at a damned baggage claim for 30 minutes now) Claim 9 started to move. We all rejoiced and waited eagerly for our bags. The bags began to circle around, but no one recognized theirs.
I glanced over at Claim 8, just for ***** and giggles just in time to see my bag (it has a bright green strap so I can spot it from a distance) make a turn around the corner, heading back into the black abyss of the back... and another 30 seocnds to a minute of travel time. I hop over claim 9, and start sprinting for Claim 8, wearing baggy jeans and birkenstocks. I had almost reached my bag when someone grabbed his luggage off of the belt and flung it carelessly into my path. As my foot hit his bag, gravity ceased to exist for me. I went flying onward, forward, without stopping. I felt weightless, powerful. It was the most exhilirating experience of my life. I was an angel...nay, God himsel...<insert floor here>
I skidded for about a foot. Miraculously, one of my fellow passengers, perhaps training my line of site to my bag, rushed forward and snatched it just before it entered the mouth of no return. She set it down on the floor with barely a moment to spare and JUST before it would have gone behind to the black abyss to never be seen again for a minute and a half or so, the belt clicked off, making my now friction-bloodied knees and elbows completely worthless.
God 1 / Aura 0
My Stomach
After I left the airport, after my hour-and-five-minute flight, I boarded the metro to head to my sister's apartment. It was 19 stops away. I'd done this before, its not usually that bad. However, a combination of track work, and rush hour put my timer at fifty minutes of subway time before I made the line changeover that I needed.
There I sat in Metro Center. I'd been at work all day, and now my knees and elbows hurt. I'm heading toward Shady Grove. I schlepp my luggage with me, and make it to the train just in time to see it leave. "Oh well," I think, "another one will be by soon." Sure enough, 7 minutes later, another train comes by. When the train doors opened, it looked like that scene in "Look Who's Talking" where the sperm all rush to the egg. I was the retarded sperm sitting to the side with a broken tail, an undersized mitochondrial sheath, a ****ing skinned up knee, and a bottle of bourbon. I tried and tried and tried to shove my way in, but to no avail. The doors shut midway through the croud, like a guilllotine of plexiglass and rubber.
As they shut, I noticed a woman had gotten on the train, but the woman who appeared to be her mother had been left off. I hate to see the elderly separated from their caretakers, so as the doors closed, I grabbed hold of them with both hands, and with all my might, pulled them back, holding them open and stopping the train so her mother could get on. "Out of my way," shreaked the hag as she thrust an elbow into my stomach to keep me from getting into the train ahead of her.
I had to wait for the next train.
God 1 / The Elderly 1 / Alex 0
My Bleeding Eye
When I got back into town from the trip (don't take my skipping over of the trip's events as an indication that it was uneventful, plenty happened, just nothing pertinent to this topic - however, I did get a very healthy sunburn thanks to my good old friend the beach), the first thing I did was call up my girlfriend. We'd bade a teary goodbye as I left. I felt like I was going off to battle for a year, not going to New Jersey for a weekend. We're still new to each other, though, so every emotion's ten-fold. When I got back in town, I called her and she came over to hang out.
An hour later, I had a friend call me and tell me that one of my out-of-towners was in-town and over at his house. The girlfriend and I packed up, and headed over to the house to see my out-of-towner friend, Dave. We stop by Walgreens because her nose was stopped up and she needed some afrin. As we were leaving, I stepped off the curb toward my car. My foot hit the ground, and suddenly I lost balance.
I lost my footing and my leg bent at the knee. I fell faster and faster toward the ground, but at the last second, I thrust my other leg out, and grabbed my car with my hand, picking myself up and steadying myself. I grabbed my keys and put them in the door.
"Wow, I almost ****in fell on my ass just there," I said... or at least I tried to say. I got to "I almost fu..." and then I hit myself in the face with the door.
You never notice how hard you open the door of a car until the corner of it hits you in the eye. I assure you, its much faster than you think. The froce of the impact knocked the left lense out of my glasses, and cut my eyelid in two places. My eye throbbed in pain, and watered from the impact, but as my left eye watered, my right eye did so as well, but my right eye watered as it built up toward laughter. My girlfriend started laughing too, we both had to take a moment to get it out of our systems. Finally, the laugheter STARTED to die, and she choked through chuckles, "here, let me see it." I closed my eye so she could see the wound and moved my head toward her. Almost instantly she said, "HOLY ****!" A short silence followed, and she started laughing harder than she had before. My eyelid was bleeding, but as best as I could tell, it was only a surface wound. It looked a lot deeper than it was.
God 1 / The Elderly 1 / Alex -1
Epilogue
My girlfriend and I finally got to my friend's house, and we sat down in the living room and watched a few of my friends play "Life." She restedher head on my shoulder, and then sniffed a couple times. She looked up at me and ever so quietly so that only she and I could head said, "You stink like sex." I sniffed a couple times, and had to agree. I decided I'd take a shower and air out my room when I got back. Without hearing this conversation, but on perfect cue as if he had, Dave - my friend from out of town - says:
"I GOT IT!"
He looks at me. I look confused. He explains...
"I knew I smelled something when you walked in here!"
I start to blush. He exclaims,
"YOU SMELL LIKE GIA!"
Being that dave wass completely ignorant of what he just inadvertently accused our dear friend Gia of, but Tasha and I weren't, Tasha and I had to excuse ourselves from the room to laugh and call up Gia to tell her to shower more often.
I realized a little while later that it must have looked funny to my friends when I came in that night with bloody friction burns on my knees and elbows, a bright red face, a black/bleeding eye, and reaking of sex... I'm not sure what all that implies, but I decided that I don't really want to know...
Yeah, Aura I wanna hire you to narrorate....narrirrate.....give dialoge to my life, you do a really good job. This is a 11/10, mainly to make up for the -1 you got.
Best part:
She set it down on the floor with barely a moment to spare and JUST before it would have gone behind to the black abyss to never be seen again for a minute and a half or so, the belt clicked off, making my now friction-bloodied knees and elbows completely worthless.
I've got this wicked scar on my face between my eyebrows where I accidentally whacked myself opening a car door. This was right as my friends and I arrived at an amusement park one weekend. It bled a fair amount, though it had stopped about halfway through the day there. I'm sure going on rollercoasters and such didn't help it.
Ok, so the scar's not *that* big. I still like it though.
Never had that car door thing happen to my eye. However my sister has made a decent effort to sever my leg when we had a 2 door car and I was going to the front seat when she decided to close the door on my leg. Hurt but thankfully nothing more than a nasty bruise. And of course on more than one occasion I've been putting things in the trunk when som family member has decided to close it. While my head was still within the swing range of the trunk. That one was not so much fun. I can't say head injury is a barrel of laughs. Whoever said cars were dangerous devices was right, and that's not even counting when they're actually running.
Oh wow! This all reminds of a story that should have been in the "Embarassing Moments" thread, but I forgot about it till just now. Back in 3rd grade my class got a special trip to the "Discovery Zone". It was basically a really really cool museum that had hands on exhibits, im sure most major areas have some kind of museum like this. Anyway, since my class was small, we were gonna car pool in some minivans, you know the kind with the sliding side door, and save the school money for a bus. So the day of the trip rolls around and one of the kids shows up with his arm in a sling/bandage combo type thing. Turns out his older brother had slammed his hand in to the car door the day before. So we start our drive to the place and evreything is going fine. We arrive and get out of the vans, and our little injured friend is helped out by the teacher, well we are all kinda standing around and he is near the van, and I being the helpful lad, go to slide the door closed....right on to his injured hand. Yep, he got his hand slammed in a car door 2 days in a row. I dont remember if he screamed or cried, and I can only hope that my weak little 3rd grade arms werent enough to put much force behind the door, but I still felt really really bad.
I have never hit my eye with a car door (cross fingers) but I have had more than my share of slammed fingers. Off the top of my head, I'd say 8 times. 3 of those times the door somehow closed all the way with my fingers still inside. I remember a time when I went to the park. The door closed on my fingers and stayed closed while my mother and sister walked on oblivious to my squeals of pain.
On a slightly different note, I have had a boom on a ship hit me in the head and over the side. Very humorous image every time I think about it.
Aura, I used to live about 5 minutes from Shady Grove Metro. Why the hell were you going to that metro to meet your sister if she lives down on Grosvenor? Keep in mind, I DON'T use the metro. Shady Grove IS a major hub, so maybe you went an extra 20-30 minutes North (by car) to get back south for a reason.
And currently, I live about 3 minutes from Glenmont Metro. Not quite as large a hub, but still big.
Anyway. At least the weekend was fun, right? Just a little pain to make the fun stand out more. /nod
And yes, we will definitely have to hang out over the winter when you're back up here, I need more fun in my life, lol
Great story, Aura. When you came in, I was playing City of Heroes. Just to show how much I zone out during games: I didn't notice the sunburn, the ****ed up elbows, the bloody eye...hell, I almost didn't notice your girlfriend come in. But I did catch Dave scream, "YOU SMELL LIKE GIA!!"
Mind you, Dave has a very booming voice, one that can almost bring the dead back to life. With enough power in his chest to wake a comatose, Dave continues about how he always thought that smell was familiar, and could never really put his finger on it. The voice draws me from my video-game slumber. I look up.
As people who just wake up are sensitive to fast movement and flashy lights, I was only sensitive to the sound of Dave and the speed of Aura. Aura and his girlfriend got out of the house faster than rabbits at a greyhound race. Dave was the greyhound, chasing after the two as they're moving, smelling Aura, going into more and more detail about "Gia's odor." With every word that leaves Dave's mouth, Aura speeds up a bit. A frantic "Goodbye, see you all later!" come out of Aura and his girlfriend, and they run out of the door. This alone (knowing nothing prior) was funny as hell. I knew Dave's remark was what got you out of the house, but I didn't know why. I'm suprised you were able to keep your composure that long. Good job!
Honestly, that had to be one of the more interesting times weve had... set aside beating the **** out of each other. The car door thing was just spectacular though completely classic. The Gia thing....yeah that was real funny...hah...ha..
"Wow, I almost @#%$ fell on my ass just there," I said... or at least I tried to say. I got to "I almost fu..." and then I hit myself in the face with the door.
aura's stories
