My sons mother and I have been split for a few years now but both active in his life. I'm the weekend dad.
The short version is my son listens to me, and behaves very well around me. He is a different kid around mom. I see it, and others have commented on it to me after they've been around him when he was with each of us at separate times.
His mom is a very smart person, and knows he thinks (really is) the boss of her. She has been trying to change that. It's complicated by her working 50hr weeks usually so gets to spend limited time with him. He is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, but other than speech and social issues is a very smart kid.
Thing is I want to help as the little time she does get must not be fun at all with his behaviors, but even when we were together advice from me was taken as criticism or lack of faith. (Her rule was: Think of the worst possible way to interpret something and that is what I must have meant.)
Since we split I've kept my mouth f**king shut on everything, since a happy mother = happy everyone else. But this is something that will only get worse (son is 5) with time.
So I ask you SH, can I possibly be diplomatic or just wait till she brings it up?
"Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves." - Bill Hicks
I did this routine with my parents. Ultimately, I feared my dad and his follow through. My mom was the opposite. I wasn't boss of her, but I knew it took way more for her to push back than my dad. But this was as a teenager. I'm curious, how does he act differently between the two of you, at the age of 5?
I don't want to live in a world where there are no consequences for being stupid. A few thousand years ago these users would have been eaten by lions.