Gazing up at the sky in endless thought, I roll the precious stone between my fingers. Everything somehow seems to have some coincidental connection to what has been running through my mind all this time. My existence seems so miniscule in comparison to the vast world.... universe around me. Yet my existence is all i know. For that reason, my problems seem so important. The sky... it has a likeness to my hands. Dried blood.... not my own... stains them just as the canopy above me is speckled with stars. Lives extinguished by these hands seem so deserving of an end... they are such worthless unrecognized pawns in the whole scheme... yet those lives were all they knew. Who's point of view is the right one? Who decides which life continues and which is cut short? Just because these hands have the ability to kill...does it mean that they should? Because a life is so easily extinguished... does that mean it should be?
But why? Why do I... why does everyone exist? We fear death, yet with an end... with out consiousness what is there to fear? An end would bring me relief... yet i still fear it.
My contemplation is a swirling maelstrom trapped inside my head. It is only inevitable that such pressure will eventually escape.... violently. I fear my own powers... and unpredictability. If only it had some way of escaping... slowly. But openness is a vulnerability. Emotion and weakness coincide. Why share my true self with anyone if it gives them the ability to judge and ridicule... and hurt me? Express nothing... and if I'm ridiculed for it I still know that its not my true self thats being ridiculed. Build a wall... and it will be there to protect me, always.. so long as I never let it down. I never look back, but silently i still have regrets. Trust and depend on no one but myself... others will let me down, and turn their backs... but i will always be here. In my solitude there is always still... me.
amidst the cool breezes I slip the stone into a ragged pouch and eventually drift off into sleep... and even in dreams i cannot escape...
No plot so far. Really... just a character. Could always elaborate if anyone is interested though...
Not really so much an EQ story... but still a rogue story.
Edited by: Vividar DePericulo at: 6/22/02 3:53:02 am